Rather Than Never
by MusicAddict5
Summary: Bella has many rules to protect herself because of her past, the main one? Don't let any more people get closer to you than there has to be. But when Bella moves to a CIA training camp, will the people there try to break her rules? Will she let them? A/H
1. Prologue

Prologue

Play List:

Sissy's Song _by_ Alan Jackson

Isabella Swan walked with her two best friends towards the grave site. She could barely see with the tears that were running down her face relentlessly. She leaned on them as they stopped next to the coffin where everyone had gathered.

Her friends had led her to where her father was standing in his black suit. Many people gathered there, but Isabella didn't see any of them. She only saw the wooden coffin in front of her. The head stone read 'Renee Swan, 1966-1998, beloved daughter, wife and, mother.' Isabella didn't see or hear anything besides what she read on the coffin. It kept running in her mind like a broken record, 'Renee Swan, 1966-1998, beloved daughter, wife, and mother.' But she didn't fight it; she didn't try to block it out. She welcomed the tears and sobs. She had wanted to sob for ages – she had tried - alone in her room at night to let all her pain and sorrow be released through tears, but they never came. So to Isabella, this was a relief. She leaned on her father's shoulder, with her friends' arms wrapped around her.

She tried listening to what the preacher said. But he didn't really know her mother, nor did half the people there. And for that, Isabella felt sorry for them. Renee was the kindest, most caring person Isabella had known. She was strong, had a sense of humor, and could flip Isabella's dad on his back. She had a love and passion for live that rubbed off on you. She was Isabella's hero.

"Bella?" Her father asked. Bella looked around to see that everyone was leaving. Her father wiped the tears from her eyes and led her closer to the coffin, already in the ground. He crouched down and ran his hands along the dirt. Bella kneeled to the ground and let another sob come out of her chest.

"We're going to miss you Renee. We love you." Charlie Swan chocked out, silent tears running down his face, as he looked at the newly tilled ground where his wife had been buried. Charlie looked at his daughter as she leaned into his side. She was the spitting image of Renee. He was worried though, for a girl to lose her mother at the age of 13 was horrible. But they would pull through, together. His daughter let out another sob, and Charlie changed his position. He sat down and pulled his Bella into his lap. They sat there and cried, and remembered. The reception forgotten, a father and a daughter grieving for their wife and mother.

"It's okay." Charlie said, though he didn't know if he was saying this to his daughter or himself. He held his daughter's head to his chest and let himself cry. His wife was the person that kept him grounded; the one that showed him sense when he didn't have any. She was his hero. She had been his hero even as she had died.

So there they sat, a father and a daughter, holding each other together, hoping that it would get better. Hoping they could live without their hero.

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**I would like to dedicate this chapter to my Grandmother that passed away this last December. We love and miss you Grandma. **


	2. Population: 856

Rather Than Never

**Disclaimer: Okay first of all let's just say if you recognize it assume I don't own it… Keep that in mind for the rest of this story. :P**

**Stephanie Meyers owns all of Twilight, I do not, but!...I own a really comfy hoodie that I'm wearing right now. Wait. It belongs to my brother, I don't even own that. :D**

**Thanks to my new beta, June. You're amazing girl!**

Play List:

All Star _by_ Smash Mouth

Chapter 1

_We (and I mean the collective 'we') avoid pain at all costs. Take a pill to fix your headache. Your fever. Your soul. Bake a person a casserole, give 'em a 'chin up,' then expect them to be healed when they mark a magical red X on a calendar. The truth is, grief's a journey with pits and falls, forks and detours. Yet, in the end, it cannot last forever, because nothing, except maybe the purest love, ever does … _

_**Unknown**_

Population: 856

_**Bella POV**_

I stood up as my flight began boarding. I had already said my goodbyes, to both my friends and my father, along with my home state – Washington. I showed the lady in front of me my ticket and then made my way onto the plane. Once I was settled, I grabbed my phone and texted my dad and Leah, my best friend.

Hey I just got on the plane. I'll text you when I land in CS _(Colorado Springs)_-Bella-

After I was settled in my seat, I looked out my window. It was raining, _what a surprise_, I thought sarcastically. It always rained, and it was the one thing that I wouldn't miss. But there was plenty I would; I _knew_ Washington, I didn't _know_ Colorado, the place I would be calling home for the next year –at the very least. I hated being the new person. The person that didn't know anyone. But I really wanted this training. LaVeta Colorado had the best training camp for CIA agents, and since I would be going into the field this next year I wanted the best training. My father had encouraged me, telling me that it would be good to get out of Washington. So I had said goodbye to him and Leah at the airport and promised that I would be back for Thanksgiving. But since it was the beginning of July, Thanksgiving seemed like a long, long time away.

The man next to me smiled, and looked like he was trying to find something to say. He was medium height, with a balding head of black hair; he had on jeans and a green button up shirt. I groaned, god I hated small talk. Leah always said that someday someone would mistake my bluntness for rudeness. I just hated skirting around a subject, and really what's the point of small talk? I can see that the weather's rainy, and I really didn't care where he was going, it's not like I'm ever going to see him again. But I sat there in silence until the guy finally asked where I was going. Like I said, it's not like we're going to see each other again, so what's the point of asking me?

"I'm flying into Denver." I said without emotion. The whole plane was flying into Denver, but he didn't need to know anything else. I quickly put in my ear buds and starting listening to my iPod, purposely cutting off any further conversation. I put on my Flying playlist, (I've got a playlist for everything) and started beating my fingers to 'All Star' by Smash Mouth.

The flight from Seattle to Denver took about two hours, and by the time we got landed my Flying playlist had changed to my Annoyed playlist. Mr. Small Talk had tried to talk to me about stupid stuff four more times, even though I had my ear buds in. Finally we landed; I had a 20 minute layover before boarding the plane to Colorado Springs. This flight took a half an hour at most, and was pointless when I could drive, except for the fact that I really didn't want to be in a car for four hours today.

We landed, and once I claimed my luggage I went to find the car that was supposed to be waiting for me. Phil, the president of the training camp, was friends with my dad, and said that there would be a car waiting for me in the C parking garage. When I asked how I would know what car it was he just laughed and said 'trust me, if you are as good as your father, you will.' After wandering through the C parking garage twice I was about to give up, when I saw what _had_ to be the car. It was a black Camry, very CIA like, but the thing that tipped it off was that the license plates had no state on them, like most official CIA cars did, or didn't more or less. I let out a dry laughed, he was testing me. He wanted to see if I paid attention to detail. I walked over to the car and unlocked it with the key that had been sent to me a week ago. Once I had everything loaded and was settled in the car, I started making my way towards LaVeta.

The drive took about two hours, with one stop for food. I was tired, but stayed awake by singing to a tolerable radio station that I found. Right before 5 o'clock I passed a sign that stated 'Welcome to LaVeta, population 856.' I felt slightly better at that thought; at least the town was small. My dad said that the LaVeta was just like Forks, the town I grew up in, but with cowboys. I drove through the tiny town and then started making my way to the actual ranch/training camp where I would be living and training. From what Phil had told my dad and me, most people from the ranch went to LaVeta on weekends, even though there wasn't much to do.

It was still very light as I drove though the ranch. Phil had told me to go to the biggest building, where he had his office so we could officially meet and talk about everything I needed to know. I parked the car where I had been told and then started walking to the doubled door building. Both inside and out was painted a dull grayish color, some would say it looked ugly but I thought it was comforting. The whole building was one big room with the floor padded with red matting. It had one door off to the side, what I guessed was Phil's office. I walked through the building and noticed that I hadn't seen any people here at all. I put it in the back of my mind and knocked on the office door.

"Come in." Phil, I assumed, said from behind.

I walked through into a generic office; the walls were painted cream and there were file cabinets lining the walls there were also some pictures on the walls.

"Ahhh, finally I get to meet _the_ Isabella Swan." The man in front of me said, grinning. He looked to be in his 50s, his hair graying a little. He was wearing blue jeans and a green polo shirt, not that different from the man on the plane, but Phil was in much better shape.

I just smiled back at him.

"As you probably know, I am Phil Moon. Please have a seat." He said gesturing towards the two chairs in front of me. I sat in one and then looked back up at him; he was looking at me strangely. But then finally he spoke again.

"I'm sure that you know this, but you look so much like your mother." He said his eyes running over my face, not in a creepy way, but like he was looking at someone he hadn't seen in a long time. I looked down, I really didn't want to talk about this. I could already feel the memories resurfacing.

He noticed my discomfort and changed the subject. "I trust that you had a good flight?" He asked, I just nodded figuring it would be too rude to tell him that I hated small talk. "And I can see that you found the car. I knew you would, your father said that you had the best marks at the academy." Phil was now grinning and shaking his head.

"Not the best marks, but pretty good." I told him shrugging.

He mumbled something that sounded something like 'so much like her mother' but then looked at me fully. "You are 26 this year, right?" he asked grabbing some papers and flipping through them.

"Yes." I told him with a nod.

"And your full name is…? Just so I have it right."

"Isabella Marie Swan. But I go by Bella." I really hated being called Isabella, I felt so. . . old, when someone called me that.

"Alright Bella, there are only a few things that you should know. One, you will be staying with Jessica Stanley and Lauren Erickson, until you meet some people and decide where you want to stay, or if you just want to stay where you are. Both are excellent agents, but are a little. . .well you'll find out. Also just so you know what people are talking about, we call the medic/emergency building the Health Lodge, that is where our medic and emergency supplies are. This building," he said gesturing around us, "we just call the arena, and the dining area we just call the commissary." I nodded and smiled, sounded easy enough to remember. "Now on a personal note, I would just like to say that I really am glad that you're here. I hope that you will like it. Also, there is a party tonight at cabin 8, but that is off the record since parties are not really allowed." He said winking. I smiled and shook my head, my dad said that he was young at heart. "It might be nice to meet some people." He added.

I didn't say anything to his last comment, but changed the subject. "Where is everyone? I didn't see anyone when I drove through." I told him.

"Well the party is supposed to start at 7pm so the girls are getting ready and the boys are sleeping so they won't be exhausted when I wake them up in the morning. We have breakfast at 8am and it closes at 9:30 so if they're not there, they don't get to eat." He said.

After we talked a little bit more about training I took all my stuff out of the car and walked down to the cabin Phil told me about. As I walked up to it I noticed that it was pretty good sized, it had two floors and was made out of logs, with one whole side was made out of widows, and there was a tree growing by one of the widows on the second level.

I walked up to the door and debated knocking or just walking in. It was my cabin now too, so I just decided to walk in. The inside was just as beautiful as the outside. I walked down the hallway that was right inside the door; soon the cabin opened into what I assumed was a living room area. To the right was a staircase and to the left was a swinging door. I didn't see anyone so I went through the door to check out the rest of the house, or cabin, whatever it was. Inside the door was a kitchen, there were stainless steel appliances, a breakfast bar, and a small table. It was cute and small, and I knew that I would be comfortable cooking here. I picked up the beaters that had been left out as a memory flashed through my mind.

_I was watching my mom bake in the kitchen humming as she moved._

"_Why do you love baking so much?" I asked her suddenly. _

_She turned towards me smiling, and shrugged. "I don't know. It's fun, but I really like it when I'm done and I get to eat what I've made with you and your dad." _

_I grinned. "So. . .do we get to eat the lemon bars?" _

"_Well, I guess. But, only if you can convince your dad to get me the mixer I've been wanting." She said in a challenging voice. _

_I scoffed. "I can get dad to get you whatever you want and we __both__ know it. Besides, I'm his angel, if I pout the right way, I could get dad to get us a piece of the moon." I told her grinning._

"_You're right about everything you just said except one thing." I raised an eye brow at her. "You're both of our angels."_

A door closing up the stairs brought me back to the present. I swallowed the grief that threatened to consume me, and looked around again. Everything was duller, nothing seemed to be interesting now.

There was another door that led out to a back patio with a grill and some grass. After I was done looking around in the kitchen and living room I decided to go check out the bedrooms. Phil had told me that there would be three bedrooms in each cabin; if they were co-ed was up to us; he said that we were old enough to make that decision by ourselves.

Once I got up to the top of the stares I saw that there were two doors on each side. I knew that the first two on each side were taken, because each had a small piece of paper on it with the names Jessica and Lauren. I walked to the second door on the left and opened it. Inside was an entertainment system, a love seat and a full couch. I closed the door and walked to the second door on the right I opened it to see a small bedroom. The walls were log, like the rest of the house, and there was a warm brown colored carpet on the floor. In the center of the room was a king sized bed with a blue bed spread, next to the bed was a small night stand with a lamp and an alarm clock. The whole room was very me, small, warm, and simple. It was the story of my life, except when I was training and learning how to shoot and dodge bullets, and break someone's leg when they tried to kill me. Yep I wasn't very warm in those moments, really in the past two years I hadn't at any moments. And I wasn't simple anymore either, nothing in my life seemed simple. So I was just small, I definitely felt that way sometimes. As I stood there thinking about it, I realized that warm and simple were things I had been and wanted to be. But wasn't right now.

I set my stuff down and sat on the bed.

I was looking at the design on the head board when I felt someone behind me. The rest happened very fast. A girl tried to grab my arms, and I twisted out grabbed her arm and flipped her on the bed, holding both her arms and sitting so she couldn't move her legs.

"Who the hell are you?" She hissed in question. She was tall, had short blond hair that was spiked slightly, and blue eyes. She was wearing low cut jeans and a bra, nothing else.

Still holding her I raised an eyebrow. "I could ask you the same thing." I told her calmly, even though I figured that she was either Jessica or Lauren.

"Like hell I'm going to tell you bit-" She was cut off by someone coming in the room.

"What's going on? Who are you and why are you holding down Lauren?" the other girl yelled at me, as she walking into the room. She was medium height and had curly brown hair, and blue eyes. She was wearing only a towel and I guessed that she had just gotten out of the shower by her wet hair. What was it with these girls? Did they not like clothes?

I looked down at Lauren. "I'll talk to you, but I have a feeling that if I let you up you are going to attack me. By the way, I'm impressed. That was an advanced neck hold you were going for. If I hadn't felt you, we would be in a different situation." I told her sincerely.

"Oh, thank you Ms. Expert." She spat at me.

"I really don't feel like fighting in a towel right now, so tell us who the hell you are and why you're here." Jessica yelled again.

I rolled my eyes. Really why was she yelling? It's not like I was hurting Lauren. "My name is Bella Swan, I transferred here, and Phi- I mean Mr. Moon told me that I was living here." I said, I didn't know anyone, so I didn't see how I would move. Even if I wanted too.

"We have to live with you?" Lauren asked, angry still. Or maybe she was naturally like that, just a angry insulting, bitter person.

"At the moment I'm not really all that happy about it ether." I said.

"Get off of her." Jessica sneered. Well it was better than yelling.

I looked at Lauren, she still was looking at me with pure distaste and loathing. "You going to fight me? Because I have been traveling for the whole day and I really rather not have to pin you again." I told her.

"Whatever, you wouldn't be able too." She scoffed. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm getting off of you now. But I will make you hurt if you try anything." I told her. I slowly got off of her and she stood up, still glaring at me.

"How much do you weigh?" She asked rudely, looking me up and down.

"About a 140 pounds, why?" I asked really confused.

She didn't answer, just huffed and walked out the door. I looked at Jessica, she looked almost amazed but still pissed.

"You pinned her when she was creeping up on _you_?"

"Yep, she's good though." I said, almost surprised.

"You think that she's good? She's the best one here! The only person that is able to pin her when she is creeping up is McCarthy. And that because he weighs like 250-260. Holy hell, no one is going to believe this." She said, mumbling the last part. "Edward," she sighed his name, "can too, but that's just because he's amazing."

"Well, I've been training since I was 13 so…after that long I should be good." I said shrugging.

"Why would you start training at 13 years old? That's insane." Jessica asked.

I felt anger flash through me. "It's really none of your business." I said coolly. Thirteen was not my best year, and I was not about to tell Ms. Bitch over here that.

Jessica glared at me. "Whatever. And just so you know, Lauren is going to be permanently pissed at you." She said and then walked out the door.

_Nice way to start off here Bella, _I thought to myself. I sat down on my bed. So I pinned the girl, if I didn't she would have hurt me. It was a knee jerk reaction, and a good one at that. I looked around my room again. The small helplessness feeling was coming over me. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to come here. The whole place was nice though, and even though I liked my room, I had the feeling that my roomies and I weren't going to get along very well.

I sighed and pushed myself off my bed and looked at my watch, it was 6pm.

I grabbed my water bottle and took a quick swig, grabbed a granola bar out of my bag and started eating it, before looking at my bag. I knew that once I had unpacked there was no turning back. I had to go through with everything, even it was going to be hard to start from scratch. So I unpacked, it only took me about a half an hour, but it felt like a heavy task. When I was done I sat back down my bed.

"Well mom, I'm here. The town's really, really small. Just like Forks but it's sunny and. . .well it's beautiful. I know that I'll get really good training here. I miss you, please let me make you proud." I whispered as I looked at the floor. "God, please let me make her proud. _Help_ me make her proud, and please protect dad while I'm gone."

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**Hello people! I am MusicAddict5, or Becky, or…Beck (pronounced B-e-k, short e not beak like on a bird :P). This is not my first story, but some stuff happened, and I got a new account, so you can't see my story on my current profile. I love any suggestions or ideas for my stories. I love to know what you want in it and think about it; it may be my story, but you are the ones that are reading it.**

**This time I have an amazing beta. This story would be a mess without her, and I know that even though this is the first chapter. :D**

**It doesn't look like a lot right now, but it will turn in to more, as we go on. A lot more hopefully. It will get kind of heavy, we'll go through something's, and then…I'm not sure. It depends on how it all pans out.**

**Anywho, there it was, my first chapter, I hope you liked it. It was basically just an info/intro chapter for you all, if you have any questions please feel free to ask. Alright, well I think that that is all, but I do want to say one more thing, just so you all know. I live and breathe reviews! So if you want me to live…review! **

**~*Becky*~ :D**


	3. People & Parties

**Disclaimer: ****S.M. owns all of Twilight.**** I own none of it. Zip, zilch, none, nada….you get the point. But I would own all the reviews that you lovely people would give me. :D**

**Thanks to my beta, June. **

Play List:

Raise Your Glass _by_ P!nk

Chapter 2.

People & Parties

_**Bella POV**_

After taking a quick shower I dressed in jeans and a t-shirt and put my hair in a ponytail. I heard a door shut and too girly voices, I recognized as Lauren and Jessica, talking in the hall.

"She's just a nobody," Lauren said.

"Yeah, but she pinned you."

"She got lucky. It's not like it's going to happen again. I know her type. She's going to sit in that room all night, not make an appearance at the party and spend the rest of the year doing the same. She's a nobody and I have a feeling she's going to act like one too."

"Maybe but I mean who would stay at home rather than go to a party?"

Lauren snorted. "A girl like _her._ Besides even if she does go, it's not like anyone will pay attention. And then she'll probably run out crying."

"I'd love to see that."

Their voices started to fade as they started to walk off. Anger boiled deep inside of me. I wanted to yell at both of them. Maybe because some of what they said was true. I planned on being a nobody while I was here. I didn't want to attracted attention; I didn't want friends, all I wanted was the training.

But after what they said? I wanted to show them up. Go to that party just so they would see me there. Hell I hated parties and I still wanted to let them see me there. And that's all it took for me to make up my mind.

By the time I was out of the cabin the sun was starting to go down, it was about 8pm. All the roads were gravel and went in various directions. The party was supposed to be at cabin 8, so I figured that I should go south because the cabins were in order of number. It was actually quite relaxing, walking down a dirt road, with the sun still warm but starting to go down, in the clean mountain air. I stopped and frowned, I must have been reading too many books lately, because I sounded like a romantic scene from unrealistic book.

_Really Bella? _I thought to myself. _Why don't you go write a lovey dovey book?_

I rolled my eyes and shook the fiction-like-thoughts from my head as I looked down the road. Well, the party wouldn't be hard to find. Cabin 8 was overflowing with people, and if that didn't give it away, there was music blasting. I walked up to the front porch people standing everywhere. I sighed, if this was what I was going to have to deal with, I need a beer. I looked around and saw a cooler; I opened it up and pulled out a Budweiser bottle. After taking a drink I looked around again. There were probably about 50 people, estimating people upstairs and in the back. Well there had to be one room where I would be out of the way, but Jessica and Lauren would see me.

I walked inside and saw a range of different people. These would be my classmate. . .well sort of, more like people that would try to learn how to be good CIA agents with me. We were here to become the best. But at the moment those people were partying. Not that I was against partying, but this just wasn't me. I looked around and saw that even though there were a ton of people around, no one was sitting on the couch. I walked over and sat down, taking a sip of my beer. I felt someone approaching me and looked over to see a tall guy with dark hair and blue eyes, he wasn't muscular per say but he didn't look _that_ wimpy. I mean how wimpy can you be if you're in the CIA? I scoffed to myself; they weeded those out at the academy.

He walked up to me; in a way that I think he thought was seductive, but really, just looked like he had to go pee. In my head I willed him to go away, I didn't want the attention, I didn't want the friends. And I sure didn't want to talk to this guy. I turned my head, but I should have known, luck, or karma, or whatever other force out there, didn't like me. He sat down next to me and swung his hand over the back of the couch.

"Did it hurt?" He asked.

I turned to him confused. "Did what hurt?" I asked.

"When you fell out of heaven? Because only an angel could look so beautiful." He said smirking. I turned my head so he couldn't see me trying to hide my laughter. I hadn't laughed in a long time but really? I mean get real, that is the worst, not to mention cheesiest, pick up line I had ever heard. Finally when I knew I wouldn't laugh in his face, I turned towards him again.

"I'm Tyler. What's your name sexy?" He asked. I looked him over, he was dressed in jeans and a button down shirt. His hair was black and he wore it spiked, but in a different way than most guys. He liked to fit in, but still sand out, again a little self conscience. He was smirking in a way that said, 'you don't stand a chance against me' and 'I can get any girl here'; he was also cocky. Great, a slightly self conscience cocky jerk. He contradicted himself without even knowing.

I sighed once I was done analyzing him. I knew his type, he thought that he could win me over and get in my pants and I would be all giggly and throw myself at him. But you see, I didn't like self conscience men, nor guys that used product in their hair. Even though I didn't like self conscience men, I didn't like them assumingly cocky either, there was a fine line. But really, I didn't look at guys in that way anymore. I didn't want too.

"Look she's ignoring you already. That really is the worst line I have ever heard." I turned to see a blond haired guy walk up. He was in khaki shorts and a t-shirt, and he too had his hair spiked. He had a baby face and blue eyes. All American guy. I rolled my eyes, and decided not to analyze him. "I'm Mike. And your name is?" He asked.

I looked at both of them. "Bella." I said, not offering any more information, I hoped that they would take the hint, but they didn't.

Mike sat on the other side of me and put his hand on my knee. I fought every urge in my body not the grab him hand and flip him on the floor.

I glared at his hand, but he didn't take notice. "So. . . you weren't here last year, did you transfer?" Mike asked, but I could tell that he really didn't care; he just wanted to make conversation that would lead somewhere else.

"Yes." I told him. I took another swig of my beer, if I finished it I could make the excuse to go get another one, then leave. My plan to have Girl 1 and Girl 2 see me and then make it out quickly was backfiring. But it looked like the unknown force decided to take pity on me tonight, because I was saved.

"Really, stop hitting on the new girl. I really doubt that she would go out with either of you two." I looked up to see a shorter girl with black spiky hair and hazel eyes. She was wearing a purple strapless dress that started to flare out at the hips. She was truly beautiful. Almost like a fairy.

"We weren't-" But the girl cut him off.

"Really you guys are so blind." She said, as she grabbed my arm and pulled me away.

"Thank you so much." I told her, and sighed in relief as we walked far away from Tyler and Mike.

"No problem, both of them are jerks and morons." I nodded and started to walk toward the door, but she shook her head and started pulling me upstairs.

"Umm, I was going to leave. Again thank you for saving me, but this really isn't my scene." She just laughed.

"Come on, the party just started. You have to stay for a little while. And who doesn't like a good party?" She asked.

I was going to say 'me', but that sounded rude. "I know, but really." I said trying to walk towards the door.

She didn't let go of my arm and turned her body so she was facing me. "I promise you'll have fun. Please come with me. My boyfriend's out of town and I just saved you from Tyler and Mike. _Please." _She begged, giving me a pout. I sighed, I didn't know this girl at all, but I felt bad for being mean to a girl that just saved me. I could go up with here hang out for an awkward hour and then leave.

"Fine but only for an hour." I told her. She nodded eagerly and started up the stairs again.

Just like my cabin there were four doors, and she led me to the second one on the left. She opened it and I saw that there were five people inside. Three were guys and two girls, the first smaller, but he was built, he had sandy brown hair and brown eyes; he wore a kind smile and was sitting on the love seat, had his arm draped around a girl. She was also a little smaller, she had brown hair and kind brown eyes, and she was laughing. Next to her on the floor was probably the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, she had long blond hair, ice blue eyes, and the body of a super model. She would have seemed cold if it wasn't for the smile on her face. Next to her was a massive man. He was literally _huge_, muscles covering his body, and looked to be at least 6'6. He had curly dark hair and greenish eyes. He looked like he was telling a story.

I looked to see the last person in the room, but stopped as soon as my eyes landed on him. I was sure that I was seeing a god. He was sitting in the recliner, in a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. He was also tall, around 6'3. He wasn't really buff, like muscle man, but still built; his body looked perfect. Last I looked at his face; he had a square jaw, full lips, and a nose that fit perfectly with his face, not too big not too small. His hair was a strange bronze color and was a mess, but he pulled it off. Even though this god in front of me was the most attractive man I had ever seen, the thing that stopped me was his eyes. They were the brightest, yet deepest green I had ever seen. Honestly, they had the depth of the sea, and the brightness of the sun. They weren't dead like so many eyes I had stared into, and they weren't cold. They were full of life and laughter. They were full of love. Just like hers.

_I was walking through_ _the_ _grocery store pushing a cart, my mom besides me. _

"_What else do we need?" I asked her. _

"_Let's see." She tapped her finger to her chin. "Oh! I almost forgot. We need carrots." _

"_What for?" I asked her confused. _

"_For a carrot cake. I want to surprise your dad." My mom told me, her eyes sparkling with love and excitement. _

"_Yes! I love carrot cake. What time is he going to be back tonight?" _

"_His plane left Washington D.C. at 10am, so he should be here around 7." _

"_Good. I miss him, I hate when he has long missions." I told her frowning. _

"_So do I babe." She put her arm around my shoulders and hugged me. "But that's why you have me."_

I stopped myself, and pulled my mind back to the room in front of me, so not to get lost in my memory. I didn't want to cry again.

"Are you alright. . .? Sorry I never actually asked your name." Fairy girl said her eyes filled with worry.

"Bella." I said. "Yeah, I'm okay." I told her, and saw that everyone was looking at me. Great now I was going to be introduced to a bunch of people that I really didn't want to meet in the first place, when all I really wanted to do was go home and curl up in a ball.

"This is Bella. She transferred here, you know the girl Phil was bragging about?" Fairy girl said.

They all said hi, and I smiled politely. She led me to the couch and we sat down. "That's Ben" She said pointing the shorter built guy and the girl next to him, "and Angela."

"Nice to meet you Bella." They both said.

"And Rosalie and Emmett." She pointed to the blond and the huge guy. They both said hi and Emmett grinned.

"I'm Alice and that is Edward." Alice told me. I nodded and forced a smile on my face. They all took it upon themselves to tell me about all of them, so I learned that Angela and Ben were dating, that Emmett was dating Rose and that he and Edward were cousins, plus that Rose had a younger brother that was dating Alice. His name was Jasper.

"I'm impressed." Edward told me. I raised an eyebrow at him. "You looked at every person in the room before stepping in; it shows that you are observant." I shrugged, _I should be by now_, I thought.

"So where did you move from Bella?" Angela asked.

"Washington." I didn't want to be rude, they all seemed nice, but my plan to be a nobody wasn't going well, it was as if things were working out so that I was really getting back and Jessica and Lauren in a way I way that I promised myself that I wouldn't ever do.

"Wow that must be a change." Ben said. "Do you think that you'll like Colorado?" He asked.

"Yeah, from what I've seen it's really beautiful. And not as rainy, thank god." I said, they all laughed.

When I didn't offer any more information there was a silence. But it was short lived.

"So how do you know Phil?" Rose asked.

"My parents trained with him." I told them, they all looked at me expectantly, and for the first time in a long time I felt the need to tell them more. "My dad told me that I should go to the camp when Phi-I mean Mr. Moon asked. I will be going into the field as soon as I finish here and my dad wanted me to have the best training." I said, shaking my head. My dad always worried. But he had good reason.

"Are both your parents in the CIA?" She asked.

"They used to be. My dad is now retired, he's the police chief in the town where I grew up, Forks." I told them, taking a drink of my beer. It surprised me at how easy it was to talk to them.

"What does your mom do now?" Emmett asked. I looked down; I knew the question was coming but it didn't make it any easier.

"Um, she died when I was 13."

"Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry." Angela said, sadness in her eyes.

"It's fine. I don't like to talk about it, but I guess I've come to terms with it." I told them, they didn't need to know the whole story. And I wouldn't tell it to them.

Rose hit Emmett in the back of the head. "Ow! Rosie, I said I was sorry." He turned to me. "I truly am sorry Bella. I shouldn't have brought it up." He told me, his eyes worried.

"It's fine. You didn't know." A quiet settled over the room, everyone in their own thoughts. If there was one thing I couldn't stand were people pitying me. So I did the one thing that was going against what I wanted to do, prolong my time in this room full of what seemed like nice people, I made conversation.

"So where is your boyfriend?" I asked Alice.

"He is visiting relatives. He should be here in two weeks." She told me. That seem like all I had to say for them to keep the conversation going.

And even though I didn't want it to happen, even though I was set against it and planned to leave in one hour, I got to know a little bit about all of them. And I started to relax, something I had not done for a very long time around people I didn't really know. I was there for four hours, and all we did was talk. We talked about how Edward and Emmett were from Colorado. Emmett's parents were also agents and lived about an hour away, Edward's lived it a town I drove through about an hour away also. The boys were cousins on both sides, brothers who married sisters. They had meet Alice and Rose at the academy, and Jasper, Rose's brother, a year later when he dropped his major and decided to become an agent. Angela and Ben meet them two years ago when they all started at the ranch.

Everyone had sympathy for me when they found out that I was stuck with Lauren and Jessica.

"You should move in with Edward." Alice told me. Edward had been mostly quiet in the beginning, but had started talking, and I found that we had a lot in common. "We had originally gotten two cabins, boys and girls, but then Em and Jasper moved in with us, so there are two rooms over at the boy's old cabin." She said.

I glanced at Edward. "I don't want to impose. . . " I said, unsure. Sure I liked these people, and they were great, but I had only known them for an hour at most. And being in that cabin would mean I would see him every day. The number of times I told myself I didn't want friends that night was going into the hundreds, but I had never meet people like this before.

"Alice, not that I mind. But maybe we should let Bella get used to the ranch before she moves." Edward said, I shot him a grateful look.

After that we talked about my confrontation with Lauren. They were all shocked that I had pinned her, but then the laughed. Apparently, Edward and Emmett could take her, as could Rose, Alice, and Jasper. But she always said that they were cheating.

"Don't get me wrong she's a good agent." Edward said laughing. "But not that great. We can all take her down. It's hard but not imposable." He smirked, playfully cocky.

We talked and talked and talked. I found out that cabin 8 actually belonged to the girls, and it was their party.

"If it's your party then why are you all up here?" I asked. Three beers in and I had started asking questions.

"I just had a feeling it would be nice to hang out tonight." Alice said shrugging.

"Then why did you throw a party?" I asked bewildered.

"It's tradition. Rose and I have been throwing beginning of the year parties since we started."

"But if you didn't want to why not break the tradition?" I asked still confused.

"That's what I said!" Rose yelled throwing her hands up in the air.

Alice's eyes narrowed at Rose and I. "How could I deprive the Ranch of one of _my_ parties?" she asked bitingly. After that I backed off.

I found out that Edward liked reading and played the piano, and would rather stay at home than go to a party. I told them about Leah, and how we had been best friends with each other since grade school. How the first day of first grade we both met a guy and all three of us were inseparable. We became the three musketeers. They laughed at some of the pranks we pulled, and in return told me about some of the one all pulled as kids and teens. I have to say that Emmett outnumbered all of us on that one. Angela told me about her brothers and family. She said that Emmett was never allowed to meet them after hearing about the pranks he had pulled. As the night went on, I had pinned all of their personalities, and at that point I didn't care.

Ben, was quiet. He was caring and loving. But was fierce when it came to Angela. He also was very kind.

Angela, was shy and also quiet. . . to most people. But when she was conferrable, she was silly and fun. She extremely caring and kind, a perfect match for Ben.

Rose, was complicated. She was fierce and competitive, and never let anyone put her down. She had the beauty of an angel with the heart of a rebel. But she also had a maternal side and loved children. And had no embarrassment what so ever when it came to Emmett. She thought that they were soul mates.

Emmett was like a watermelon. Hard on the outside but sweet and soft on the inside. He was competitive and a complete boy, but really just a big teddy bear. He could also make you pee your pants if he wanted too, both by scaring you and by making you laugh. He was cocky and tough but as soft as melted butter when it came to Rose.

Alice, was in one word, hyper. She had a ton of energy; she loved cloths and fashion in general. She was a strong woman like Rose, but also had a soft spot; Jasper. She, like Rose, thought that she and Jasper were soul mates.

Jasper, I didn't know much about, except for the stories that they had told me.

Edward, was….perfect. Really, he was the perfect guy from what I could tell. He had wanted to be an agent almost all his life. He wanted to save people, but also wanted action. He had a love and passion of life, just like my mother used too. He said that his motto was live like every minute was your last. He was sweet and caring, but also had a playful cocky side to him. Everyone said that he was chased by girls, none of which he would go out with. He blushed at this, which showed that he had some embarrassment and innocence. But he said that he was looking for the right girl. He loved his family and friends and could read people well. He kept sending me looks and smiles. And even though I didn't know what they meant, I wanted more. The feeling alone was dangerous for me.

Finally, when I looked at my watch, it was 12:07am.

"I should head back." I told them getting up, I saw Edward stand also. "Its getting late and I want to make a good first impression." I said smiling.

Rose scoffed. "Bella, you pinned Lauren within your first hour here. Trust me; you've already made a good impression."

I laughed, but Alice continued. "Plus you know the president of the ranch personally. I doubt that anyone was giving you any crap. Except for Lauren and Jessica, they will most definitely give you crap. But then you can just tell the boys and they will take care of it." She told me.

"I can take care of myself. And that includes Lauren." I told them indigently.

"I want to see these moves. I bet you can't pin me." Emmett said cockily.

I smirked. "Well, I guess that we'll just have to see." I told him.

"Tomorrow. Moon always lets two people, two_ experienced_ people, do a demonstration for the newbies. But I don't really think that he'll think of you as a newbie, so we'll do it." He said.

"How about we make things a little more interesting?" I asked, while agreeing with a nod. I felt free, all the years of making rules for myself, and they were going out the window.

"I like this girl." He said to everyone else. "What do you have in mind?"

"Whoever loses has to pay the winner 50 bucks and if you lose you have to let Lauren win the next time you duel." I said.

"Deal. But if you lose you have to let Alice dress you up for one night of her choosing." He said.

I frowned. "How is that a bad thing?" I asked him.

"Well you'll have to find out." He said, grinning evilly. I glanced at Alice, she was a fashion guru, this could be bad, I realized a minute too late.

"Fine." I said and shook his hand; there was no way in hell I would back down from a bet.

"I got to get going though. I really don't want to be half dead on my first day here." I told them, they all nodded and agreed, Ben and Angela grabbing their stuff.

"What cabin are you in?" I asked Angela.

"22, even though it's a little walk from here we live the closest to the commissary." She said smirking.

Emmett frowned at them. "Be that as it may," Edward said. "You both also have to room with Tyler and Mike." At this Emmett seemed to feel better and bumped his fist to Edward's. I laughed as I we walked out the door. The house was a mess, but Alice said that she would pick it up. . . with the help of Emmett and Edward of course. I said goodbye to everyone at the door and started walking up the road. Angela and Ben left me at my door and I walk to my bedroom. It seemed that Lauren and Jessica were busy from the noises coming from their rooms. I cringed and shut my door. After changing I crawled into bed.

Right before my head hit my pillow my cell rang. 'So What' filled my room and I picked it up smiling.

"Hey Leah." I said.

"Bella! So how is it? Why are you out so late? Why didn't you pick up your phone before?" She asked, running off questions.

"What no hi? No, 'I don't know how I'm going to live without your wise, wise mind'?" I joked.

There was a short silence and I heard her mutter something like 'wow, was she drinking.' But then I could practically hear her roll her eyes. "Oh yes, how will I live with the oh so wise Bella to save my ass?"

I laughed. "That's better. Okay for your questions. It's great, really beautiful. And I went to a party." I told her.

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "Spill. I know that there is a lot more to it than that and I want details girly." She demanded.

I told her about everything that happened through the day until I left the party. She cussed out Lauren and Jessica when I got to the part where they badmouthed me, but otherwise just listened.

"So. . ." She said. "This Edward, he hot?" Leah asked.

"Yes, why?" I was weary; I never liked it when Leah used this voice.

"Well, you know. . .a companion while you're there wouldn't be that bad." She told me.

"You make him sound like a dog." I laughed at her, brushing off her suggestive tone hopefully.

"That's not what I meant." Leah said. "Why not take advantage of the hot guy down the road? Show him your moves?"

"Leah!" I yelled, and laughed at the same time. "I just met the guy! And you and I both know that I don't have any 'moves.'"

"So, why not see about dating him? You know I wasn't totally joking about the companion Bella."

"Leah." I said warningly. "I got to know these people tonight. Do you know how scary that is for me? How big a step that alone is? I don't want them to become my friends, but I've got this feeling I don't have a choice. You and I both know that it was the beer that got me that comfortable enough to share anything."

"Bella." She sighed. "I understand. Your life is going to be so lonely and. . .well I don't even want to think about it. You need more friends, I love that you depend on me for that role, but you do need more. And it's not a bad thing to have them. If they have any sense in them they'll love you. And you know a guy in your life wouldn't be that bad a thing ether. Please Bells." Leah said, sighing sadly at the end.

"I-I can't do that. I can't…. I don't….. you know what happened. You _saw_ what happened." I told her, and thought for the third time tonight that, I really didn't want to cry tonight. "Like I said, having more friends is scaring me right now. I can't go farther than that. I _won't_ go farther than that with any guy. "

"Lets not talk about this right now. But send me a picture of mister sexy. Preferably without his shirt on." Leah told me lightening the mood.

"Yeah I'll just walk up to the guy I just met, and say 'my crazy friend in Washington wants to see what you look like, so I'm going to take a picture. Would you mind taking her shirt off?'" I rolled my eyes.

"Sounds good." She said laughing.

"Really, Leah. What would John say?" I asked.

"My hubby wouldn't care. Mister Sexy and I are states away. Besides, John knows that he is _my_ Mr. Sexy." She said.

"I got to go to bed. I'll talk to you later." I told her laughing and rolling my eyes.

"Night sweetie. Good luck with tomorrow. And make this Emmett wish that he never thought to do this demo thing with you. Oh and Bella? You sound happy; I think this was a good idea." She said the last part softly.

I paused thinking over her words, but decided not to comment on them. "Goodnight Leah." I said and hung up the phone.

%*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!%

**Well there's number two. So what did you guys think?**

**Ben and Angela won't be a huge part of this story (I don't think) but they will show up occasionally, I just wanted them to be there when Bella meet the gang. Tyler and Mike will be making themselves known, because they're just annoying like that. :P **

**Sooo….who's going to see the new Harry Potter movie? I know I'm psyched. My cousin is dragging me (well really it's not dragging because I want to go too) to the midnight showing and it's going to be awwwwwesome! If you see it tell me what you think. :D **

**Next chapter will be first morning on training camp and the bet, DUN-DUN-DUN! Also, if you haven't noticed I will be updating every Wednesday.  
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**Please leave me some love! **


	4. Do A Flip

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, or any of the Twilight characters. They all belong to ****Stephenie**** Meyers. And to tell you the truth, I don't even own the movies on DVD. **

**Many, many, thanks to my beta. ****You're**** amazing June!**

Play List:

Don't Panic _by _ColdPlay

Chapter 3.

Do A Flip

_**BellaPOV**_

The next morning I woke to my alarm going off. I reached over blindly to turn it off and rubbed my eyes. A memory came crashing on my slightly away self.

_My 7 year old self ran into my parents' room and jumped on their bed. Both groaned, but did not make a move. _

"_Come on! Wake up!" Neither moved. "Mom! Dad! Come ON! Your alarm is about to go off anyway." I told them still jumping. Just like I had said, the alarm went off and both groaned again. I didn't know it at the time but both had been up because of, ahem, late night activities. _

_My dad reached blindly and turned off the alarm. "I don't think we need an alarm. We have our very own live one right here." He told my mom. _

_My mom hummed and turned towards me. "I like this one much better." She smiled and grabbed me around the __waist__. She pulled me to her and snuggled into me. "Good morning __angel__." _

"_Morning Mommy." I said and kissed her cheek. "You and Daddy said that you would take me to the park today!" I said wiggling out of her grasp and jumping up and down on the bed again. _

"_We did, didn't we now?" My dad said smiling at me._

"_Yes, yes, yes!" _

"_Well I don't think that you would be interested in getting donuts, would you?" Before I could yell my approval my mom spoke. _

"_Oh, but you know how much she hates them Charlie. No we better give her something she likes for breakfast, __like . . . bananas__!" _

"_Ewww!" I said making a face of disgust. "Stop teasing. You know I hate those slimy things." _

"_Oh that's right I do remember something like that. Don't you Charlie?" I rolled my eyes at them and crossed my arms. _

_They both laughed and it wasn't but a minute that I joined them. _

Tears gathered in my eyes as I came out of my memory. My flashbacks happened often, that's why I trained so hard to not focus on them. And to hide them, no one needed to know that my flash backs happened. I pulled myself out of bed and went about my regular routine. First I stretched and did 3 sets of 25 pushups. Then, like I did every morning, I got ready to run 3 miles. I stepped out onto the porch of the cabin and pulled my leg up behind me for one finally stretch and then looked around. The sun was just rising and the colors were beautiful. I took a big breath of the mountain air and took my first step.

I had been running about 5 minutes when I felt someone behind me; I quickly spun around ready for anything when I saw the last thing I thought I would. Edward. He was smiling at me and picked up his pace so he was jogging next to me.

"Didn't think I would see anyone out here. Never do." He told me still smiling.

"Really? Do you run every morning?" I asked, mentally slapping myself for making conversation.

"Yup. But I never see anyone out here. Do you?"

"Yes, I run 3 miles usually."

He grinned at me. "Well, would you like to run with me today?"

I was about to say no, that I wouldn't like too, but as I looked into his eyes that held the life and the warmth, and maybe some hope? My mouth spoke without my minds consent, "Sure."

"Alrighty then, well I know a great trail that is about a 3 mile loop. Do you want to take that?"

"Lead the way." I told him.

_Bad idea Bella. Letting this handsome man run with you._ A little voice in my head told me. _ Oh be quiet, who says that I can't run with him? It's not like we're going to be best friends because I run with him once._ I told it back. _And what did you tell Leah last night? You felt like you were going to end up being friends with them, regardless of what you wanted._ The voice said. _No, no that won't happen. I won't let it. _After a restless night of trying to figure out what I should do about the group of people I met last night, I decided that I would do my best to not be friends with them. Distance myself from them. It was 5am and I was already breaking my rules that I had made last night. Realizing that I was fighting with myself, I turned my attention back to Edward.

We ran at a steady pace, not talking at first. But then Edward turned to me and asked a silly question about something I liked. After that we started talking about random things like the night before. And by random I mean random. By the end of the mile I knew that he loved to play on the Wii, his favorite book series was the Harry Potter series, and that his favorite food was chicken stir-fry. In return he knew that I loved to play tennis on the Wii, my favorite book was Romeo and Juliet, and that my favorite food was steak. Every random piece of information had a conversation that fallowed. It was one of most entertaining runs I had ever run. But it worried me how easy it was to talk to Edward; there was no alcohol to blame this time.

We stopped when we got to my porch. "Thank you. It's nice running with someone." I told him honestly.

"Yeah. You are a ton better than Emmett. Not only is he slow, but he loves making innuendo running jokes."

I raised my eyebrows and was about to ask how the hell you make innuendo jokes about running, but Edward must have read my mind because he held up his hand.

"I have no idea how he comes up with them." He told me grinning.

"Well I have to go get ready. See you at breakfast?" I asked him shocked with myself. _Shouldn't have said that!_ I internally yelled. Really what was I thinking?

"Sure. See you then." Edward told me, waved, and then ran towards his cabin. I watched him as he moved; a slight sweat was glistening on his shoulders. _God he's hot._ Wait. Were the hell did that come from?

I shook my head and sighed, then opened the door of my cabin. Edward would make a great friend, but I didn't, _couldn't,_ have friends. Leah was an exception, as was J.T. But it was easy to forget around Edward, it was as if my brain was detached from my lips and I said things I didn't want to. But when he was talking to me and making odd conversation, I could forget, I wanted to forget. As if acting upon my thought I stopped.

_This time it was my 12 year old self walking in the front door of my house, Leah at my side. __We're__ laughing and went straight to the kitchen. _

"_Isabella! I've been worried sick! Where have you been?" My mom asked standing with her hands on her hips, by the table._

_Guilt over took me. I glanced at the clock to see that it was an hour and a half past the time __I__ should have been home. _

"_Oh, I'm so sorry mom! We were with __J.T.,__ and I didn't realize __the time__. Sorry." I told her looking down. _

"_Yeah, we're sorry Mrs. Swan." Leah said at my side._

_My mom sighed. "It's alright. I was just worried. Call next time you're going to be late." She turned around. "You both must be hungry, and you are very lucky because I made you both brownies." She turned towards us again with a pan of them. We both smiled at her. _

"_You have the best mom ever." Leah told me grinning and grabbing a brownie._

"_I know."_

This time tears did escape my eyes. The helpless, hopeless feeling washed over me, today was going to be hard, but I pushed the thoughts of my mom from my mind and ran up the stairs. I could hear Lauren and Jessica moaning and moving in their rooms, their company also made noises.

After taking my shower and getting dressed in my gray cargo pants and a green short sleeve tee-shirt, I pulled my hair into a pony tail and put on tennis shoes. I went downstairs and made myself some coffee, I was just about to pour it when I heard people coming down the stairs. I looked up to see Jessica and Lauren, but of course that was not bad enough, their company was still here. Whatever force that's in control must really hate me, because it was two of the last people I wanted to see. It was Tyler and Mike, _and_ they only had boxers on. I grimaced and took a big gulp of my coffee so as not to say anything.

"Look who it is." Tyler said winking. "Just couldn't get enough of this could you?" I was going to roll my eyes, but Mike beat me to it.

"Oh please, obviously, she is here for me." Mike said, smirking at me.

Now I may be quiet but I was not going to take this crap, Jessica and Lauren were already glaring at me before, no glaring couldn't even describe the death looks that I was getting. I internally smirked at them, but I will still pissed at Mike and Tyler.

"Don't flatter yourselves. The only reason I'm here is because this was the cabin I was assigned to. And I'm leaving." I said drinking the rest of my coffee in gulps and putting my mug in the sink.

"Oooo, playing hard to get, are we?" Mike asked a never-ending smirk on his face.

"I like that." Tyler said, winking _again._

"No, playing never to get. Now, nor never, will I be interested in either of you. Really, you both disgust me; you just slept with Jessica and Lauren, and yet here you are thinking that I'm just going to jump in bed with you." I told them, my tone could have given them frost bite.

With that I picked up my bag and walked towards the door. It really felt good to snap at someone; all my frustration with myself and the cabin 8 clan (as I had decided to call them) needed to come out. Why not on these two annoying pricks? I didn't want two guys fallowing me around.

It took about 10 minutes to walk to the commissary and once I opened the door I saw a ton of people already there. Phil had told me the day before that at the moment the camp had 104 people here, and that didn't count me, or another boy that would be coming in two weeks. I was guessing that he was the same guy that Alice was dating.

I glanced around at the tables and spotted Alice with Rose and the Cullens boys. I was going to get my food, try to avoid them, and find an empty table, but Alice saw me and waved me over. I put on a smile and walked over to them.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked, sitting besides Edward. Rose groaned, her head on the table. I laughed, she reminded me of Leah in the morning. "Not a morning person?" I asked her.

"You have no idea. This coffee is not nearly strong enough." She said lifting her head momentarily, looked at me in a sluggish greeting, and then putting it back down on the table.

Alice was practically bouncing in her seat, Emmett grinned at me and then continued shoveling food in his mouth, and Edward was just eating like a normal person would be, a smile on his face.

"I'm so excited about the first day." Alice said smiling so wide I thought her face would stretch that way permanently.

"Alice this is your third year here." Emmett said his mouth full of food.

He then turned to looked at me as I was taking a bite of my sausage. "So I talked to Moon, when I asked him he laughed, shook his head and said 'It's your body. I don't care if you go against Swan' whatever the hell that means. So we are going to do the demo before we actually start our classes." He told me, frowning a little at what Phil said.

I smiled at the thought of wrestling with someone, another outlet for my frustration with my falling plan. "Cool, is there anything that we have to do, or are we just sort of 'dueling'?" I asked.

He grinned. "Phil said that we had to do at least one flip."

I grinned back, I loved doing flips. I glanced over at Edward to see him looking at me, then he looked at Emmett, then back at me, finally he leaned in next to my ear, "Were you jogging today, or running fast?" He whispered.

"Er- jogging?" I said but it sounded like a question. I frowned in confusion.

Edward looked at Emmett, smirked, and then turned to Alice. "I change my bet, I bet that Bella will win, _and_ get the flip." Alice nodded and Rose took her head off the table, looking a little more awake.

"What? Why are you changing?" She asked.

He turned and looked at me before looking back at Rose. "I have my reasons." He told her shrugging, but still smirking.

She shrugged back and started eating. Alice, already done eating, looked at me. "So how did you sleep?" She asked.

I groaned, and told her that Jessica and Lauren were not exactly quiet people. Edward and Emmett laughed, Rose snorted, and Alice wrinkled her nose. "Who was it this time?" She asked.

Again I groaned, and told them about the episode this morning. By the time I was done everyone was laughing, and we had all finished our food except for Emmett who had just shoveled the last of into his mouth.

"Oo o I eally ike o ella. St nt ll thm ff r a leas ith a east ith a nd off le." Emmett said with his mouth full of food.

I looked at Emmett and raised an eye brow.

"I said: You know, I really like you Bella. Most wouldn't tell them off, or at least with that kind of style. " Emmett said laughing.

"Thank you?" I said, but it sounded like a question. There was no style involved and I was pretty sure other people would do the same in my situation.

He laughed but didn't say anything. I heard a really loud whistle, and looked around to see Phil standing on top of a table trying to get everyone's attention.

"Now, I want to go over the rules for the new comers. However there are those who have been here who need to hear them again." He looked over at our table and strait at Emmett. Emmett just wiggled his fingers and smiled innocently. Phil rolled his eyes, and continued talking.

"The first and most important rule is: No fighting. And by this I don't mean, verbal, or messing around. I mean that you are all here to be highly trained and you could truly hurt someone if you fight out of anger." He looked very serious as he said this.

"The second rule is: Unless you are sick or have talked to me and have my approval, you are only allowed to miss 2 classes. If you miss more than that not only will you be asked to leave, but you will have a hard time actually getting an appointed job in the CIA. This is not a joke people, you're here to learn, and if you don't already know that working as an agent is a dangerous job then drop out right now.

"The third rule is: Lateness is not tolerated. And there if you miss so many hours –without a good reason- you will not graduate. Ahhh, Jessica, Lauren, Tyler and Mike you decided to join us." I looked over to see the 4 in question running in the door. "Now if you are late for a meal, I really don't care. However the food is not accessible after 9:30am. Sorry you four.

"Now, if you will all follow me to the arena, I, with some help, will show you what this camp will teach you to do." At this Emmett turned and grinned at me.

"This should be fun." He said.

"Yeah, but not for you." I told him smirking, and got up from my chair and walked towards the door with everyone else in the building. This may be the way to make sure I didn't become friends with them. Most people didn't like a cocky person that loved winning and that would rub your face in it.

After getting in the building Edward came up to me smirking.

"Nice to see someone get the last word with my dear cousin."

I smirked. "He may be big, but I have a feeling that I'm going to win."

"Please do, because Alice, Rose and I have a bet going and I really don't have $50 to pay them if you lose."

I laughed. "Sure, sure. I want to see what Emmett can do." We had just walked into the arena, and Phil gestured for me to come over.

"I'll see you after, and I'll try to win you that $50." I told him smiling; he just laughed. I walked over to Phil, who was standing in front of everyone.

"Hello Bella."

"Hi."

"Emmett asked me if you two could do the demo, as you probably know I told him yes. So just 'duel'" He said making quotation marks with his fingers. "All I really want is one flip, but if you are anything like your parents, you like tricks?" He said this as a question.

I smiled. "Well I guess I'm like my parents. Do you want me to do something fancy?" I asked with an evil grin.

Phil laughed. "Let's see it. But don't do something so complex that they all get confused." Emmett came up, and Phil turned to the crowed of CSI trainees.

"Alright, this is Emmett Cullen." He said putting his hand on Emmett's shoulder. "He has been at this training camp for the required 3 years, and knows what he is doing, and how to make it so you don't know what hit you." Emmett winked at the crowd, pulling out the double meaning in the words that I was positive Phil did not mean.

Phil then put his other hand on my shoulder. "This is Isabella-" I shot him a look. "Sorry, Bella Swan." He said grinning at me. "This is her first year-" There was a chores of 'what?'s and 'why the hell does she get to demo?'s and a lot of sniggering. But Phil just raised her voice. "As I was saying!" Everyone went quiet. "This is her first year_ here_, but she has been training elsewhere, and knows what she's doing. After this demo is done, anyone that wants to is free to fight her under my supervision. As long as she agrees of course." I nodded.

I looked at the crowd to see some glaring at me, but most looking with interest. I decided now was the best time to start playing with Emmett's mind and blushed. I could see Phil trying not to laugh from the side of my eye. This was one of my mom's old tricks, and my guess he knew it. _"Go for innocent and scared. They get cocky when you do. Always play to a man's cockiness." _I could practically here my mom telling me.

"Now, they will be doing a demo of what you will be learning, or _can_ be learning in your time here. There is more to being in the CIA then just being able to shoot a gun. Although that helps. Sometimes you will have to fight without weapons." He turned towards us. "You may start." He walked passed me and winked. "Give him hell Bella. I know that scared look is worth nothing." It wasn't hard to blush this time, and turned towards Emmett.

He grinned one last time and then, I guessed, tried to look intimidating. I put on my best nervous look while looking him up and down. To most this would seem that I was taking in his muscles and being frightened by them. But really, I was looking for weaknesses, and I found two key ones.

One: He was big. Yes, that worked to his advantage. But it also worked towards mine. He had muscles I had speed, in the end speed won . . . unless he caught me, but then it goes back to speed.

Two: He was cocky. This was the worst weakness of all; underestimating your opponent. Whoever caught the other first, would win. Well . . . usually. But not the way I was going to play this.

I took a step forwards, and put my hands behind my back trying to look scared. Yeah -freaking -right.

Emmett came forward and grabbed my shoulder. I smiled innocently, making his cockiness grow. He started to grab my wrist (big mistake) but I dropped the innocent look and smirked at him. He looked startled. Perfect. As quickly as I could, I grabbed the hand that was on my shoulder and ripped it off, I twisted it and made it so his hand was to his back and his elbow was sticking out. This was a painful position, but I wasn't that worried about Emmett.

The look on his face must have been priceless, because everyone laughed, nervously, but still they laughed.

"Oh shit, it was an act." I hear Rose say somewhere in the crowd. "He is so dead." I smiled, I wasn't done yet.

Now that his hand was behind him, all I had to do was straighten it and pull the right way and he flipped out in the air and fell on his back. This wasn't the smartest move usually, but this wasn't a usual duel. I wanted to show everyone that he still had another chance to take me.

Emmett stood, and shook his head. "You are good, Bella. But not good enough." Again he came at me, but I was faster. I ran around him, so I was behind him, turned so I my back was to his back and grabbed his arms. He fought and tried to pull me, but like I said I was quicker. I pulled at his arms with all my strength (god, this guy was heavy) and flipped him over my back. His arms still in mine I brought up my knee, and kneed him in the stomach. The air left his lungs with a big oomf, and then he was on the floor. I knew that I had a minute, so I turned towards the crowed.

"I could have kneed him lower, but I don't really have any wish to make it so he can't have kids." I said laughing breathlessly. God that felt good. I felt better than I had in months. I turned towards Phil. "Are we done?" I asked. He smiled and nodded, but I saw Emmett coming at me, and turned towards him. I would have had time to react, lots even, but I couldn't.

_I saw my dad coming at me from the side of my eye, and turned quickly. It wasn't quick enough. He grabbed me and the next moment I was on the ground. _

_My mom laughed. "You have to ready for surprise attacks honey." _

_I huffed. But that just caused my dad to laugh too, but then they both went sober. "This is what we want you to be prepared for. This is why we're doing this." He told me. _

_I sighed. "I know. Try to catch me by surprise again later." I told him, he smiled weakly, and I turned to my mom. _

"_Can we do flips?" I asked and she laughed. _

Emmett was on top of me, and I tried to look normal, but I didn't think it worked. As soon as Emmett looked at me he jumped off the smirk fell off his face.

"Are you okay?" He asked concerned and put out his hand to pull me up.

I nodded and then put on a fake smile. "Well it looks like you won." I said trying to keep my voice from breaking and the tears from falling.

He hesitated, and looked to Phil who was now standing by us. "Um, can we just call it a draw?" He asked.

Phil looked at me, a worried look on his face. "Bella are you okay, you just phased out for a second." I looked at both of them and was about to tell them I was fine when I was joined by Edward, Alice, and Rose.

"Bella? Are you okay?" Edward asked, looking me over in concern. I had just met these people a day ago and they already worried about me.

"I'm fine, trust me." I told them. It was the truth, mostly. The only thing that happened was I pulled out of fight mood too soon. I hadn't stayed focused, and Emmett's sneak had triggered a memory. It wasn't the memories that bothered me; it was the grief that followed. That was one of the reasons that I had come here – one of the reasons that my dad wanted me to come here. He hoped that a change would help.

"Really, I'm fine." I said again, but more to convince myself this time. That memory had happened only a couple months before my mom's death. "I'm going to go get . . . um . . . my uh . . . water bottle." I told them. They all gave me skeptical looks. "I'll be back before my first training session." Seeing the skeptical look still on their faces I continued. "I only have shooting skills today, and then karate class. I'll take a nap or something. Happy?" I was starting to get annoyed. But that was good; it took my mind from my memory.

This seemed to please Phil and the others. At least enough to let me go. I headed back to my cabin, having every intention to pull myself together and then go to the shooting class, when I heard Edward call my name. I turned to see him catching up to me.

"I'm going with you to your cabin and then class." He told me, rather than asked. I rolled my eyes trying to hold the tears at bay.

"Why?"

"Because Phil told me too."

"Sure." I mumbled. I doubted that Phil would tell Edward to do that, but I didn't have it in me to fight with him.

It was quiet for a moment before Edward spoke again. "So what really happened?"

"Nothing. I just lost my head."

"You were kicking his butt Bella, literally. How did you lose your head?"

"Look, I'm sorry I lost you $50. But I just lost my head. I don't want to talk about this." I told him in a strained voice. I was trying really hard to forget about the memory, but it wasn't easy. The grief I was feeling was crushing, but I pushed it away the best I could.

Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me to a stop. "Hey," he said trying to catch my eye. "I could care less about the money. I'm a good judge of character too. You are not a person to just 'lose their head' and day dream." If he only knew that it was far from daydreaming. "I understand if you don't want to tell me. But if you want to talk, I'm here."

"I just met you." I told him, trying to make him see that it wasn't good for us to be close. "I don't know you. And to be honest I don't think I should."

"Why? Because I can see you as my friend. And really, all of us already think of you as one." He told me frustrated.

The tears started to escape and I turned my head away from him. "I don't want any friends, and I'm sorry because you and your cousin and friends are great. But I don't want friends. I don't want to be close to people. Why can't you just leave it at that?"

"Because I honestly like you." He stopped. "No I take that back. I like you when you're you. When you don't fake it and relax. I don't know which side of you to believe. I may have only known you a day, but in that day it seems like I've met two of you. One Bella that seems to not like my friends and I. The Bella that seems to be like she's being forced to be with us. And another Bella that wants – no – craves the friendship and company we are offering. Someone who is interesting and strong, and . . . I don't even know, but I want to. I feel like you need friends. And that's what we all want to be to you."

His words stung, partly because they were probably true. "Well you saw wrong. I have people close to me, I have friends. And it's not up to you to decide what I need." I choked out.

"From what you've told us you have two friends. Both of which are not close range right now. And maybe it's not my right to decide what you need and don't need, but it's what I've observed in the last 24 hours. I'm not asking you tell us all your secrets and be our best friend, but let us at least be there for you." He almost begged me.

I shook my head the tears flowing freely now. I wiped them back angrily. "No, because being there for me makes you close you me. I don't want to care about people! I didn't even want the friends I have but they're too stubborn to leave. Well I guess one of them is, I haven't heard from the other in years."

"Well it doesn't sound like you don't want friends Bella. It sounds like you're afraid to have them." Edward told me. I was stunned into silence. He got it and he didn't even know he did. I could tell by the look on his face that he was just throwing the thought out there because he was angry and frustrated. But my silence clued him in.

"That's it isn't it. You're afraid to have friends." He stated, his expression becoming softer. "Why?"

I shook my head.

"Fine that's okay, don't tell me. But we want to be there for you Bella. I mean, hell, it's in Emmett's and my nature. If you met my aunt and mom you'd see that, we like to love and take care of people. You seem like a good person Bella, who's afraid of the wrong things."

My mind quit hearing the words as soon as he said _it was in his nature to love_. I couldn't have people love me. The people I had loving me was enough to worry about, because I loved them back. "I need to get out of here." I said through the tears, and with that I started running.

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**And number three is done! I hope you all liked it. Please review and tell me what you think. As you can see we have a caring Eddie boy, and a tough, not so tough Bella that has mood swings like no tomorrow. How did you all like the Harry Potter movie? Personaly I loved it...even though they messed up a bunch of stuff. I'm going to go see it agian soon, and did anyone see the BD preview? I didn't even know what it was at first, but I have to say it looks cool even though they most likely messed that one up too. Oh well, it will still be good. **

**Tell me what you thought of the chapter! REVIEW!  
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	5. On My Own

**Disclaimer: I do not own ****Twilight**** or any of the ****Twilight**** characters. **

**Many thank ****yous**** to my beta, June. **

Playlist:

A Place In This World _by _Taylor Swift

Chapter 4.

On My Own

_**Bella POV**_

I went through the rest of my classes blindly for the rest of the week, not really thinking about what was being taught to me. Occasionally Edward or one of the others would try to talk to me, but I would avoid them if I saw them coming, or just walk away if they got close enough to talk to me. I knew it was rude, but I also knew that if I let these people talk to me, I would let them get close to me. And I couldn't chance that.

Edward was right, I was scared, and even though I never looked at it that way. I had always known I was. I don't let people get close, acquaintances were bad, friends were worse because I cared and loved them, and boyfriends were the worst of all, because I could fall in love with them. Caring and loving I had no choice about with some people, my father for instance. But I could make sure that I didn't care and love about more people that I had too. Being in love with someone was ten times worse, which was why I refused to even put myself in that position.

It was Thursday; I was done with all my classes and walking back to my cabin. I cooked myself a quesadilla and took it up to my room with a bottle of water. I got out a book that I had started reading, but thoughts of Alice, Rose, Emmett, and Edward invaded my thoughts. Emmett had tried to approach me today, but I just walked faster and lost him in one of the buildings.

I was doing the right thing. At least for me, I knew that I was being mean and rude to them, but there was no other way. I had almost broken my rules, but I was determined not to now. I mean I had to be determined, right?

My phone going off pulled me out of my conflicting thoughts.

"Hey Leah." I said.

"Bella. Every time I've talked to you this week you've been down. And more than usual. What's going on babe?" She asked.

"Nothing. Every things fine." I told her as convincingly as I could.

"That's bullshit Bella. Come on tell me, let me try and help you. You might even feel better if you let it out and I won't have to do anything." She said.

"Really nothing's going on. I'm just as I usually am." I told her, which was the partial truth.

"Yeah right. Tell me now, come on Bella. I'm your friend." And that was all it took, because she was my friend.

I spilled the whole story to her – all my thoughts about the friend thing, the run with Edward, breakfast, the match with Emmett, and my fight with Edward. Then I told her how they had been trying to talk to me the whole week, and how I had been avoiding them.

"Emmett tried to talk to me today, and that's what I was thinking about when you called. I'm doing the right thing. I have to be. I set up these rules for myself after everything that happened with Andrew. But I feel so bad about being mean, which is confusing because I've never felt bad about that when I've been in this situation before. And it's so scary because it's so easy to talk to them, it's like they sneak up and break down all my walls without me even knowing until after. I can count on one hand how many people I can usually talk to that easily. God Leah, I'm so confused. I don't know what to do any more." I finished my helpless rant. Putting my head on my arm.

Leah hadn't said a word through the whole thing, which for her was odd. Finally she took a deep breath.

"Bella? Honey, do you want my honest opinion?" She asked.

"Yes, of course I do." I told her confused.

"Really? Because I really don't think that you're going to like it, or agree with it. But it's the truth about the whole situation." She said.

"I need to hear it." I told her in a voice that was barely audible.

"Okay. This is what I think. I think that what you're doing and what you have been doing is wrong." She told me. I didn't say anything. Shocked.

"I haven't said anything, but really Bella you are so wrong in what you're doing, in how you're thinking. I have seen you shoot down so many friendships. And I know your reason, I understand that, but it's not right. There is a chance of everyone going through what you're afraid to go through again. But I think that in one word, it's stupid. Your life could be so full, full of love and friends, because you're an amazing person Bella. But like Edward said, you're scared. I know your content with the few friends and family you have Bella, and I know that you love us all, and you know that we all love you. But you have to let go, let go of that fear. Let yourself be happy, instead of being afraid. Let yourself see what it's like to have that wonderful group of friends that you can depend on for everything. And before you say anything, I know that you have John and I, and a couple others, and that's great, but not enough. You need people close to you. Bella, when I talked to you that night of the party, the first night you were there, and you told me about the people you had met, you sounded so happy, so light. Not worrying, not thinking about your rules. You only usually sound like that if you've been hanging out with me or your dad for the day. Bella those people make you happy. And you deserve to be happy." She paused.

I couldn't say anything. I was crying, and not because I was mad, but because for the first time I realized that this was killing her, my unhappiness had been killing her.

"Bella. I think that you should let those people in. I think that you should let them get to know you. Let them see you for you and not the agent you. I can tell that they got a glimpse, and I'm not telling you to tell them everything that's happened. But to stop pushing them away. Give them a chance." She finished.

"I'm so scared Leah. I don't want to worry about more people. And I know that I'll get close to them. You'd love them if you met them." I tacked on as an afterthought, Rose was like her twin.

"I'm sure I would babe. But I think that you have to learn to push away the worry for the people you care about, not the people. I worry about my family every day, but I love them more than I worry about them. And I know it's not the same for you, because your job is going to be very dangerous, but you can't go through life being scared of something like this." She said.

I nodded and wiped my eyes. "Yeah, I know. I get it, but it's so hard." I let out a laugh. "And I doubt that they would even be willing to get to know me after the way I've been acting."

"Go talk to them. You don't have to tell them everything, but tell them you're sorry and you want to get to know them." Leah told me.

"I don't know if I can. I don't know how to do this. But thank you, I love you Leah." I told her.

"I love you too Bella." And with that she hung up.

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_Plat, plat. Step. Plat, plat. Side step. Plat, plat. Punch, punch. Plat, plat. Duck. Step, step, plat, plat, side step, plat, plat. Step, side step, duck, plat, plat punch, punch. Plat, plat, plat._

The rain beat against the roof as I danced around the punching bag. I punched harder than I ever had, trying to erase everything that had happened in the last week since I had come to the ranch. The classes the mountains, the dirt roads, the conversations . . . the people.

I had put on shorts and a wife beater soon after I hung up with Leah. I was feeling like shit and I needed to do something in order to think things through. What better place to take out your feelings than on a punching bag?

My talk with Leah had made me think about every wall and rule I had made for myself. All of them to keep people out, to make sure that I didn't get wounded like I had in my past. There were very few people on the other side of those rules and walls. The people that had watched me build them watched me pull myself together, and the people that had been with me, helping me from the beginning.

But was it right to have so many walls? Was it right to make sure that nobody got in and for my heart to have iron bars around the brick wall which was in front on the metal one that protected it? Because it did, I had layers and layers of walls around my heart.

I had always thought that it was okay. That this was the only way, and I would die if I had to live through that kind of pain one more time. But that's the thing; it wasn't the people I was hiding from. It's this world of death and life where death wins every time.

The wounds that people inflicted on purpose heal. Sometimes it took weeks, and sometimes it took years, but in the end they would heal. But, when they don't inflict them, when it happens because 'it was their time' or because 'it was meant to be' sometimes . . . those wounds, those pains, those holes in your heart, don't heal. And I didn't want to have an endless amount of holes in my heart till there was nothing left. So by only keeping a small amount of people inside of my walls. By protecting them, and making sure that nothing happened to them, there was a smaller chance of that hole that would break me.

A saint once said when she was five years old, to her mother, "Mommy I hope you die." The mother was taken aback and looked down at her little girl. "Why?" She asked, hurt that her child would say that. "Because if you die you would be in heaven with Jesus."

That saint was generous, loving, and kind. She put her mother before herself and what she would feel if her mother died. Because it would be best for her mom. I was selfish. I wanted what was best for the people I cared about, the ones inside my wall. But I couldn't live without them. I couldn't tell them I hoped they died because it was better for them. I couldn't be that selfless, no matter how hard I tried, I never would be. Because that is what makes those holes. No matter if it is natural, of old age. Or an accident. It left a hole that might not heal.

So far I had two. I couldn't take another.

There was a clap of thunder that drew me out of my thoughts. My body was on autopilot, so I had kept my rhythm of beating the bag. I don't know how I remembered those things, things about saints. My mother was Catholic, and went to church on most Sundays when I was little. I did the whole Catholic scene. Baptism, first confession, first communion, and I went to Sunday school. I listened to what the priest told us every Sunday, and most of the time believed it. But once my mother died I stopped. My dad never went before, and he didn't after except on holidays. I still remembered though. I still remembered those things, those little stupid things my mother told me. Like when I lost something, to pray to Saint Anthony, because he was the saint of lost things. All the little stories that my mom told me. I still prayed on occasion. But it never felt like my prayers are answered.

Thinking of God and my mother made me start crying again. I started punching harder – adding kicks – but thoughts of my mother were free, and thinking of that pain, had me thinking of the pain that happened with Alec.

"I am so sick of crying!" I shouted at the bag. I kicked it again. "I am so sick of being scared." But all my force was gone, my strength had melted away and I felt utterly drained. I sank down to the mat and hugged my knees and put my head on top of them. Alec's voice ran through my head.

"_You are one of the strangest people I've ever met." He laughed at me. "But that's one of my favorite things about you. I mean who else beats things up when they're confused and sad?" _

"_Well I guess you'll just have to keep me then, if I'm one of a kind." I told him smiling. _

"_You bet I will." _

I let out a sarcastic laugh through my tears. Alec could always make me laugh, even when I was still crying. He had told me that a month after I had met him. "This is so messed up." I said out loud.

"I'll say." A deep voice said. I quickly wiped my tears and stood up. Emmett, Rose, Alice, and Edward were all standing next to the door, Emmett and Rose looked pissed off, Alice looked like she wanted to cry, and Edward's face was a blank mask. "Yeah it's us. And you are not walking away this time."

"Bella, please tell us what's going on. We thought that we were your friends." Alice said in a pleading voice. I didn't say anything and turned towards the punching bag again but didn't have the energy to hit it hard. But before I could punch even five times I felt big hands stop me and pull me back.

"I do not like being ignored." Emmett said in a frustrated voice. His hands were still on my shoulders and turned me so I was facing them all. "Now tell us what the hell is going on!"

I glanced up once and then sank down so my feet were flat on the ground and I was hugging my knees, still looking at the red mat beneath me, hiding. "No." I said so softly I didn't think they heard me.

"No, what?" Emmett yelled throwing up his hands.

"No I will not tell you why I'm acting like this." I told him, still softly, but I could hear the stubbornness in my voice.

"Why the hell not?" He yelled at me.

"Emmett calm down." Alice said.

"Why should he? Miss Bella over here spent like five hours talking to us and drinking beer one night, then the next day she runs with Edward, duels with Emmett, blanks out for like a minute and then, pow. She's avoiding us, won't talk to us, like _we_ did something wrong." Rose ranted giving me a glare that could make grown men cry. I flinched and turned my head so I didn't have to look at them. I knew I was being mean, but it sounded so much harsher coming from a pissed off Rose.

It was quiet for a moment all of them waiting for me to tell them something….anything, to clue them in on why I was acting like a horrible bipolar person. I felt like I had to say something, so reluctantly I looked up at them.

"Did you ever consider that what I told Edward was the truth; that I wasn't just trying to get rid of you all?" I asked.

"What do you mean what you told Edward? You haven't talked to us all week, the last time you said more than one word to us was at the end of the match with Emmett!" Rose screeched at me.

I looked at Edward, our eyes finally connecting. Those bright green eyes that reminded me so much of my mothers, so full of life and love were now different. Confusion and hurt replaced the life and love. But there was something else there too, he looked . . . indignant? He didn't tell them.

I took a deep breath. "Never mind. I need to go." I said. Getting up, grabbing my stuff and walking towards the door. But of course it wasn't going to be that easy, Emmett blocked my way.

"Oh, hell no. You are not leaving until we get this figured out." He said crossing his arms.

My anger peeked at that, I hated being told what to do. "What do you want me to say? What?" I yelled, dropping my stuff and stomped back towards the punching bag. I spun so I was facing them, knowing I was acting like a 5 year old, but I didn't care.

"That I don't want to care about people?" I punched the bag. "That I'm afraid of having friends? That I don't want be in the position of being that scared?" I punched the bag again and felt the tears running down my face again. "When's the last time one of you felt scared? Huh? Because I've spent my whole life trying not to be scared, of anything. I've always wanted to be strong, and then the stupidest thing, that most people love to have and feel, scares the shit out of me. Because it threatens all my stupid walls."

I kicked the bag so hard it almost flipped over and then stilled. "Making friends, caring about people. Bella's downfall." I let out a dry laugh through my tears and sank to the floor the silent tears falling down my cheeks in steady streams. I wiped my tears angrily. "I hate crying." I mumbled.

None of them said a word. And neither did I, we sat and stood there for what felt like hours. The tears were relentless, not stopping once, but at least I wasn't sobbing. I put my head on my knees and in that moment I craved my mother's comfort. Her arms around me telling me it was okay. That thought made the sobs start coming. I slapped my hand over my mouth in an effort to stop the noise, but I couldn't stop the shaking.

I felt a small set of arms wrap around me. I felt so hopeless and depressed that I didn't fight them. I felt another person sit next to me and put a hand on my back, rubbing in small circles. I don't know how, but I knew it was Edward. I felt another person on my other side sit down, and then the only person big enough in the room to be Emmett, grabbed all of us in his arms and hugged us.

We sat there for a couple of minutes before I was able to slow down my breathing and stop crying. Everyone moved back except for Edward when I finally looked up.

"I love group hugs." Emmett said breaking the tension. We all laughed quietly, an awkward silence fallowing.

"Bella-" Alice started, and I could hear the tears in her voice. Great I had made her cry.

"I'm okay." I said, it was only a partial lie. Emmett scoffed.

"Sure you are. Oh and you asked the last time I was scared. Well that answer was yesterday morning."

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"No really." He said his face completely honest.

Rose stood up, a small smile on her face. "He's deathly afraid of spiders. And there was one in our room. Big oaf screamed like a little girl."

I laughed. And then covered my mouth with my hand. What the hell? I just had a depression episode it should take me weeks to get out of it, and here I was laughing?

They all looked at me, and then started laughing too, which for some reason made me start to giggle. I buried my face in my knees until we had calmed down. They all stood up and like nothing had happened in the amount of time they had been here, and started walking towards the door, but what was more surprising, I was walking with them. Rose turned around and looked at me stopping everyone else.

"Hey Bella? We're really sorry." She said.

"Me too. But you have to understand, I can't . . . tell you. I'm sorry, but I can't." I said looking down.

"It's okay, we understand. We're cool?" She asked, like we were in high school and we had just had a cat fight.

I shook my head and smiled. "Yeah, we're cool." I told them.

Alice gave me one last hug and then started walking out with Emmett and Rose. Edward walked beside me putting his arm around my shoulders and hugged me close.

"Try not to be scared. It will be okay." He told me. I nodded repeating the words that Leah had told me earlier in my head: _Learn to push away the worry for the people you care about, not the people._

I don't know how they all did it, or how I did, but we had just broken down one of my walls and I had started letting them in.

_I was letting them in._

It sounded so off. Yet, I wasn't worried anymore, and even though I was scared, they comforted me. I was learning to push away the worry and break down my walls. I leaned into Edward as we walked outside, it had stopped raining and there was a rainbow over the mountain. As cheesy as it sounded, it was a new beginning for me.

But as I looked at Edward, I knew that even though I broke one my rules and my walls, there was one that I couldn't break. Because if I even cracked it a little it would fall.

I could not and would not break down the wall that was labeled _Love_. I couldn't fall in love. I just couldn't, because if anything happened, whether he did it or nature did, that hole would be bigger than my heart and I would break.

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**I hope you all liked it. I just couldn't get this chapter to my liking (yes I just said/wrote 'to my liking'), but I hope it wasn't that bad. They are now officially friends. But we still have Jasper to come into the picture, so we'll have to see what happens with that. And yes Jasper is going to be in here. I can't write a fanfic without him, mostly because he's my favorite character in ****Twilight****. Like I said in the last AN Bella will have mood swings like ****they're**** going out of style, just bear with me. Well I'll see ****you all**** next week! **

**Leave me some love!  
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	6. Best Friend Info

**Disclaimer: I do not own ****Twilight **** or any of the ****Twilight**** characters. But I do own a pair of fuzzy socks that are in my ****room; however**** getting off my lazy ass to get them isn't going to happen.**

**Thank you to my beta****;**** you wouldn't know what ****you're**** reading without her!**

Play List:

Real World _by _Matchbox Twenty

Chapter 5.

Best Friend Info

_**BellaPOV**_

The whole purpose of training camps is that most agents relied on their guns. But there is a lot more to it than that. We, as agents, have to learn to be invisible, to blend in, to out fight five against one when the odds are against us. We needed to learn to stay calm in dangerous situations, to have the courage to put the mission before ourselves, to be able to calculate when needed, and maybe most importantly, to learn to work both in a team, and by ourselves.

In other jobs, you learn things for your job at the school you attended. Which is true, we did learn some of this stuff at the academy. But in other jobs, let's say being a cop for example, you can get your experience and learn certain things on the job once you've graduated. But when you're in the CIA, learning things on the job can cost you your life.

I had learned some techniques at the academy before I came to the Ranch. Other things had been drilled into me by my father. And then there were some that were a part of me, instinct.

This is what everyone at the camp was learning, both beginners and experienced alike. Even though the first week was hard and that weekend was awkward at first, the week to follow was slowly better until it was great. My days were filled but relaxed, and I was really enjoying it. Yes me, actually enjoying life, maybe because for once in my life, it seemed easy.

The training was awesome, the people really knew what they were doing, and I was able to learn. The written part of training wasn't even that bad. Plus I had friends, Edward, Emmet, Alice, and Rose were great; no better than great, they were amazing. And they didn't bring up, or question, what happened the Thursday they confronted me. They just moved on like I had always been their friend. The first weekend was awkward, mostly because I was still trying to stay distant, but they would have none of that, and they yanked, pulled, and pushed me to come out of my well constructed walls and be as open as I could with them. And in return they showed me more about themselves, which wasn't surprising.

The cabin 8 gang all had such different personalities, but they all meshed together like jigsaw pieces. And I happened to be one of those pieces. After classes and in between we'd all hang out, be it playing on the Wii, or hiking, or training. We all talked like we'd known each other for years instead of a matter of days. Well _they _had known each other for years; it was me that hadn't known them, but still. Edward met me every morning to go running, sometimes it was just around the camp, other times it was to a special place that he had come across. We talked most of the time, about random subjects, and by my second Friday on the Ranch I knew that I was closest to Edward out of everyone.

On rare occasions we would race, and actually run instead of the jogging we mostly did, I found that we both were fierce competitors, and not a lot of talking happened then.

I 'dueled' as we now called it, with a lot with the other students. The only one in the camp that was able to beat me on a regular basis was Edward. Others would get me down once in a while. But Edward and I were evenly matched.

Emmett and I had come to the conclusion that we both would take up our end of the bet. However, Emmett could wait his out, since the opportunity had so _conveniently _not come up. But I on the other hand had a little pixie following me around trying to 'fix my fashion sense'. And that's where I was. Sitting in a chair of torture, coughing from the hair spray, my ears bleeding from the music, handcuffed to the chair. And this wasn't training for the CIA ether.

_God you're dramatic._ And I swear Leah popped up on my shoulder like a little angel, or in this case devil.

_I second that!_ This time it was Rosalie.

_Honestly Bella. Most girls love this. _Alice had made her appearance. See I was hallucinating from the hairspray fumes.

Okay, so maybe it wasn't _that_ bad. The chair was pretty comfy, and there wasn't _that _much hairspray and I had to say that I did like the music that was playing. And they really didn't handcuff me to the chair. But I couldn't go all girly girl now! But in all truth I was having a good time.

Alice and Rose had decided that this weekend would be the perfect time to play Bella Barbie. We all had agreed to go into LaVeta and eat at the small pizza place call Poor Richards. In my mind I should be able to go in jeans and a t-shirt. But, apparently, when you become friends with Alice, you give up the right to dress freely.

Rose walked over to me and handed me a shot glass filled with clear liquor.

"Vodka. A shot to making it through the first week as friends and two weeks at the Ranch." She raised her glass and Alice and I copied.

I knocked the shot back and felt the liquid burn my throat and warm every part of me.

Rose grinned at me. "I know that I'm stealing Emmett's line here, but I really like this girl! She can handle her liquor and throw down my two-hundred and seventy pound boyfriend!"

Alice and I laughed. "So I finally get to meet your boyfriend today?" I asked Alice as she finished my makeup. It was light but still there, just eyeshade mascara and a little eye liner. Topped off with clear lip gloss. She had me dressed in jeans, but not the old ragged ones I would have liked to have worn. And a strapless top that had a belt just under my boobs and then flowed over my stomach.

Alice squealed and jumped once clapping her hands. "Yep! I can't wait to see him it feels so much longer than four weeks since I've seen my J!" she clapped again and got a dreamy look on her face.

"She always like this?" I asked Rose.

"Uh huh." She told me with a nod. "But you should see what they look like after they've had reunion sex. God, I weep for the world." Rose smacked her forehead. "Honestly they look into each other's eyes longingly; they talk in lovey dovey voices. They act like they don't have a care in the world. And they don't listen to anyone."

I laughed. Yep laughed, I had been doing a lot more of that lately.

"Hey!" Alice said indigently. "Well at least we don't grope each other and make out the whole day, like _some people_ I know."

I laughed again and Rose just shrugged. If there was one thing I learned over the last week, Rose and Emmett and no sense of too much PDA or what appropriate conversation was. Alice didn't care, most of the time her and Rose would get into it about their men. And Edward would just smack his forehead and groan 'Why me God?' whenever their sex lives would come up. Then there was me. Being best friends with Leah, you learn to get use to it, so basically I was fine as long as they weren't talking about my sex life, or lack thereof.

"So aren't you glad to be seeing your brother?" I asked Rose.

She smiled and shrugged. "My parents split up when I was young, and I lived with my dad in New York, my brother moved with my mom. I miss him, but I never saw him much so separations don't bother me much."

Alice came out of her closet and raised an eyebrow.

Rose rolled her eyes. "Okay separations that don't involve Emmett." She grinned and there was a look of total devotion and love in her eyes. I was just about to say aww to tease her when 'So What' sounded out of my bag. I picked up my phone and grinned.

"Did you finally come to your senses and see that your husband is gay?" I asked in the most serious tone I could muster. Alice and Rose looked at me liked I'd gone crazy. I put my cell on speaker phone so they could hear Leah's defense. This was one of my favorite jokes on her.

Leah groaned into the phone. "I've told you! Just because John listens to Justin Bieber and sometimes irons his jeans does _not _mean he's gay! I mean he married me for god's sake. How gay can he be?" I opened my mouth to answer that but like always she cut me off. "Do not answer that Isabella Marie! He's not gay he just . . . he's . . . he has interesting taste in music and likes his jeans neat!" She finally said with a huff.

Rose and Alice giggled.

"Who the hell are you with?" Leah shouted.

"Hi Leah!" Both of the girls shouted.

"I asked again. Who the hell are you with? And don't you dare tell me no one."

"Is my favorite niece giving you a hard time today?" I asked.

"Yes, but don't think you can side track me. Oooo! Wait! Is Mr. Hot stuff down the road with you?" I could practically hear here wiggling her eyebrows. We had talked about everything that happened and she was now use to my good mood that usually just came out when I was with her, my dad, John, and Sue.

I groaned as Alice and Rose looked at me with their eyebrows raised and smirks. "When I see you Leah I will kill you. No he's not here thank god. But Rose and Alice are."

"Nice! I finally get to meet the people that took my job as the keep Bella in line, torture her, annoy her, see how many times I can make her blush, make her come out of her shell, and love her to pieces job!"

"You know I think I like this chick." Rose said with a laugh. "And I know that Emmett would love her."

"Let me guess that was . . . Rosalie! Dating Emmett, twenty-six years old, acts like a bitch to people she doesn't like, model body, blond hair blue eyes, and crude sense of humor. Has taken on the job of make Bella come out of her shell, torture, and of course love her to pieces. Aka, my blond twin! Nice to meet you sister!"

I laughed and looked at Rose and Alice who where grinning. It was hard not to like Leah. Or laugh at Leah. "Hey Leah, why don't you tone it down before they leave screaming and yelling?"

"No way! I still have to do Alice."

"Hi! Alright what do you know about me?" Alice asked. We had moved so we were all sitting on her bed and she was practically jumping up and down.

"Alice! Dating Jasper, which I find really weird." Alice frowned and was about to ask why but Leah was on a roll. "Twenty-five almost twenty-six years old, fashion guru, has enough energy to kill an elephant, has taking up the job of torture, annoying, part of make her come out of her shell, and of course love her to pieces!"

We all laughed. "So now that that's out of the way what's going on up in Colorado?"

"Nothing much but we are doing our torture jobs today. Bella is getting dressed up for our trip to town." Rose said, like she'd known Leah for years. I smiled seeing my new friends get along with the old.

"You're making her wear makeup? Wow you have really progressed with her. Took me sixteen years to put makeup on Bella. And she didn't even do it for me, it was for a crush."

"Oooo!" Alice said.

"Miss I-don't-crush had a crush?" Rose asked wiggling her eyebrows. On the Wednesday Emmett and the girls tried to pull my dating history out of me. But since I have little and the little part isn't going to come out, it was a short conversation.

"Hey! I never said I don't have crushes I said that I've never dated." I told them, but Leah being Leah, had to add to that. Even though I knew she wouldn't tell them, she had to tell them at least one embarrassing story or she wouldn't be Leah.

"Yep, she doesn't. But crushes. Now there's a topic that is interesting when it concerns Bella!" Leah laughed. Then muttered. "Well up to a few years ago that is." But I don't think Rose and Alice heard.

"Yes, yes! I knew there was more! Tell us!" Alice begged Leah.

Leah laughed. "No, I can't tell you until you're Bella's best friends." She laughed.

I sighed in relief, but Rose and Alice glared at me. "So we're not your best friends?"

"No no. I mean that you have to be qualified best friends." Leah said and I knew where she was heading. Only three people, and that included myself, knew what she considered the information that would make someone my best friend. All three of the musketeers had one piece of info that only the current best friend knew, and only the musketeer her or himself could tell. Plus the people they told it too had to be proven. The rule was made when we were thirteen.

I'm not saying that Alice and Rose weren't proven. I thought of them as best friends, they were my only girl friends besides Leah. But the reason why my other two best friends knew this tid-bit, was because they were there when it happened. The information had changed over the years, but since this _thing_ happened, nothing worse had.

"Leah! Don't you dare." But this was Leah I was talking about. She quickly told Alice and Rose about how we each had one piece of information, and then started laughing.

"Okay, so I know that Bella comes off as innocent, nice, blushing Bella. But-"

I cut her off. "I'm not innocent, I know that but Leah I swear to god, you better not…"

"Oh come on Bella, who we going to tell? The Boys? It can't be that bad."

"No but Emmett will tease me till next summer if he knew."

"Oh come on Bella it's not that bad. The story is the funny part. And JT and I have them too, and your second one is the one that is really,_ really_ hot. My husband even thinks so. Guys are possessive."

I was sidetracked for a moment. "Really John likes my beeee-." I stopped and looked at Rose and Alice's hopeful faces.

I sighed. "Fine. But just tell them about the first one."

"Yay!" Alice said and clapped.

"Come on, we can talk while we drive, we're going to be late meeting the boys." We grabbed our stuff and walked to the car while Leah told Alice and Rose what happened on spring break when I was seventeen.

"Okay, so it was our spring break senior year, and me, Bella, and J.T., our best friend who moved to San Diego. We all had fake ids and went to a club one night. Well we all got trashed, and Bella ended up getting into a conversation about Peanuts. The show not the food. Well Bella told us that Lucy had that right idea, never fall in love with a musician." Good, she was editing.

"Ohhh, I see were this is going!" Rose said, laughing.

"So J.T., being the lovable drunk he is, always liked to act on his ideas and said to us, 'Hey lets go get tattoos!' and being drunk we agreed." Leah was laughing at the memory and I let out a chuckle. It really was funny.

"Bella you have a freaking tattoo?" they both shouted at me. I just laughed and kept driving.

"Two actually. But that's another story." Leah said giggling and I blushed. "Anyway, we found this tattoo parlor, and all three of us got tattoos. Now somehow we made it back to the hotel, and in the morning we all had _huge_ ass hangovers. We were in a room with too full sized beds and a futon. So Bella stumbled out of bed, and went into the bathroom, she was in sleep shorts and a sports bra. J.T. and I are just waking up when we hear, '_what the fuck?_' and then puking and groaning."

Leah was laughing so hard now that I had to take over the story. "I went to the bathroom, and you know how most hotel bathrooms have the mirrors on the backs of the doors? Well I turned around to flush the toilet and saw something white on my back. It turned out to be gauze, when I pulled it off I saw my tattoo, Lucy was leaning against the little piano and there where words over the picture saying 'Never Fall In Love With A Musician'. I freaked out, puked, then freaked out again. And then screamed while my other friends told me to shut up. By the next day their hangovers were gone and they were teasing me about the whole thing, they were fine with theirs. Couldn't care less."

By this time we had pulled up outside the pizzeria and were out on the sidewalk.

"Oh my god! Let me see it." Alice squealed.

Rose just laughed. "Yeah Bella let's see it." I sighed. And pulled up my shirt to show off the black and white picture of Lucy from Charlie Brown, rolling her eyes and leaning against Schroeder's piano. Above in fancy writing was_ 'Never Fall In Love With A Musician'_.

"Nice work. You got lucky for getting one drunk." Rose told me and I nodded.

"Alright well I'll talk to you ladies later." Leah told us still laughing.

"Bye Leah!" Both Rose and Alice shouted.

I put the phone back to normal. "Bye Leah. Say hi to John and Mary for me." I told her.

"Bye Hun. Have fun with your new friends."

I hung up the phone and we walked into the restaurant. They boys were already there sitting. There was a guy next to them, his back to me with blond hair that looked familiar.

"So . . . you going to tell us about your other tattoo?" Rose asked raising an eyebrow.

I blushed. My other drunk tattoo wasn't all that innocent, or at least the place it was wasn't.

"No way in hell." I told them smirking.

We walked up to the table and the blond guy turned around.

"Oh. My. God." I said frozen.

He was frozen too. I snapped out of it and squealed.

"J.T.!"

"Bells!"

"Emmett!" Emmett yelled his own name.

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**Yep, I know I'm evil. But this was just too good a cliffy to pass up. You'll just have to wait for the next chapter. :D**

**So the Peanuts tattoo is actually a tattoo that my sister and I have talked about getting. She might get it, I highly doubt I will being a musician myself. :P But it looks really cool. **

**Please, Please, PLEASE REVIEW! I really want to know what you think of my story so far, and if there's anything you want me to do different. **

**REVIEW! please? :D  
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	7. The Third Musketeer

**Disclaimer: I do not own ****Twilight**** or any of the ****Twilight**** characters. Not that I want too….but yeah.**

**To my amazingly awesome beta June. Yes I will say something like that every chapter June. :P **

Play List:

Chapter 6.

The Third Musketeer

_**BellaPOV**_

"_J.T.?"_

"_Bells?" _

"Emmett!" Emmett said his name is a fake high excited voice. I ignored him and hugged J.T. hard. We broke apart, both grinning.

"Why are you here?" He asked me.

"Me? You knew that I was going to the CIA when I was 15. Why _you_ are here, is the better question."

He laughed and ran his hand through his hair, a habit that I noticed Edward did a lot.

"Long story. God, I can believe you're here!" He laughed and hugged me again.

"Me too."

"You think they know each other, or does Bella always greet strangers like that?" Emmett said.

We both turned to him grinning. "This is my third musketeer."

"The one with the brains." Jazz put in smirking, knowing exactly what I was talking about. I smacked the back of his head.

"Whatever. Your idea of brains was 'Guys I don't think that this is a good idea.' Or 'Guys what if we get caught?'." He huffed and pouted.

I looked at the table where Emmett and Edward were sitting. Emmett looked confused and slightly amused, as did Edward, but there was another emotion in his eyes. Anger maybe? No that can't be, why the hell would he be angry? I looked at the girls' expressions; Rose's face was a mixture of confused and annoyance; Alice's face was confused and slightly worried. I could understand the confusion, Emmett's amusement, and Rose's annoyance, but the worry in Alice's face and the anger in Edward's was a complete mystery to me.

I turned to Jasper, who had been doing the same thing as me. "We should-"

"Explain." He finished for me. We laughed and sat down, the girls fallowed our actions.

"So, how do you know each other?" Rose asked.

"Like I said this is my third musketeer. You all know Jazz's middle name right?"

"Thomas." Rose and Alice answered immediately.

"And what was Leah calling him today?" I asked. The girls' faces turned into understanding.

"Ohhhh. J.T. I get it."

"Leah?" Jasper asked with interest the grin still on both of our faces. "How is she? Has she gotten married yet?"

I smacked the back of his head again. "Well if you would keep in touch with us you would know. The only reason we don't think you've died is because you send us a Christmas card, without a return address I might add." I tried to look angry, but I had just seen my friend after 5 years.

Jazz looked upset and guilty, but before he could respond Emmett broke in. "Can someone please explain?"

"You know those two girls that were my best friends in high school? The ones you always tease me about because I didn't have any guy friends? Well that was Bella and Leah."

"So Jasper was the one you were talking about the first night we met you?" Rose asked me, I nodded. Another look of understanding came over her. "And you're _the_ Bells that he would sometimes talk about when he'd write?" Jasper nodded. I guessed that Rose meant when they were younger, since Rose and Jasper's parents had divorced before I even have met Jazz. Rose and her dad lived in Florida the whole time I lived in Forks.

I looked at Jasper. As happy as I was to see him, he had some major explaining to do. When you're best friends with someone for most of your life, you don't just drop them. It hurt that he could just leave us like that. "What happened?" I asked quietly. I needed to know.

Jasper looked sick for a moment; he cleared his throat and then looked at me again. "It's a long story. And we need to talk. How about after lunch we walk around LaVeta for a while and then you can go back to the ranch with me?" He asked. The look of guilt and sadness in his eyes made me nod my head.

"Ok." I told him.

I changed the subject and told him about training and what my life had been like since we lost contact, the edited version. We ordered our pizza and drinks somewhere in that time, the other guys interrupting from time to time to ask a question.

"So why are you here?"Jazz asked, once I was done.

"Uh, well my dad knew Phil, and….well yeah I needed a change of scenery." I told him looking at my pizza.

Jazz being Jazz, understood and changed the subject. "So what's dear Leah been up too?" He asked with a laugh that sounded forced.

"I really want to meet that girl." Rose said. Jasper gave her a 'what the hell' look. "We talked to her today. Oh yeah." Rose smiled evilly. "So what's your tattoo of?"

Shock covered Jaspers face, and then he groaned. "You can't keep Leah's mouth shut, if you tried." I told him with a laugh.

"Tattoo? What are you talking about?" Emmett asked.

"Nothing!" Jazz and I said that the same time.

"Nothing? No not nothing. Leah told us today that our dear Jasper, Bella, and herself went down to California, got insanely drunk and well, they all got tattoos." Rose told them smirking. "When they were still 18."

Emmett turned to us and smiled evilly. "Tattoos huh. Let's see them." I sighed accepting that he wasn't going to let this go, stood up and lifted my shirt to show my Lucy. Emmett laughed and Edward, who had been quiet through the whole meal, chuckled.

"Okay your turn Jazz." Emmett said.

He turned to Alice. "Do I have too?" He asked in his whinny kid voice.

Her face broke into a smile. She had also been quiet, but now she looked fine.

"Oh come on. It's not that bad." She told him.

"But Emmett will tease me."

I laughed at Emmett's now eager face. "I did it now you have too, or I'll just tell them." I said in a singsong voice. I felt so light; it was so good to see Jazz again, even though I had a bad feeling about what he was going to tell me.

Jazz huffed. "Fine." He lifted up his shirt and on his back was a picture of Linus and his blanket around his shoulders, and a smug look on his face. In the same fancy writing as on mine it said: _There's Nothing Wrong With Security_.

Emmett roared with laughter, Alice giggled, Rose laughed as loud as Emmett, and Edward and I were chuckling behind our fists.

"What? It's true!" This just made us laugh harder, but Alice put a comforting arm around Jazz.

"So Jasper," Rose said once we'd calmed down. "Leah said something about Bella having another tattoo…."

It was my turn to go pale and Jazz's to laugh.

"You didn't tell them?" He asked.

"Wait, wait, wait. Little innocent Bella, has _another_ tattoo?" Emmett asked.

"A not so innocent one we're told." Alice said giggling. Emmett looked excited, and Edward….well he looked excited too, but not in the way Emmett was, he also looked conflicted, like he was having an inner battle with himself.

"Innocent? No not really." Jasper said still laughing.

"Jasper you better not." I warned him. "I'm dead serious."

He just laughed again. "Come on Bella, it's not even that bad. If I didn't see you as a sister I would think it was hot, but as you are my sister by choice, I refuse to think of it that way."

"Thank god, because if you did I'd punch you. But you better not tell them!" I told him as forcefully as I could, but I was nervous so it didn't sound like much of a threat.

"Ohhhh, show us!" Emmett said bouncing in his seat.

"No! There is no way in hell I will show you this, especially here!" I hissed.

"Yeah, she really can't show you here. And there is no way, if I know Bella, that she will show you period." Jazz said, laughing.

Edward seemed to look a lot better and so he jumped in. "Come on Bella, tell us." He pouted. I don't know why, I don't know how, but that little fake teasing pout broke me. I hid my face in my hands, and whined.

Edward and Jasper must have seen me breaking because when I looked up they were both pouting at me. I broke.

"So much for protecting your little sister's innocents." I huffed at Jazz.

"Yeah, yeah, so am I going to tell them, or you?" He asked.

"Well since it's _your_ fault and _you weren't _drunk. _You_ can tell it." I said glaring at him.

"Ok, so this is one of the last times the three of us hung out. It was Bella's birthday, which is Leah's birthday too. We were all officially twenty-one and Leah decided that she wanted to go clubbing in Seattle-" And thus began the embarrassing story that was my 21st birthday.

By the time Jasper was done the girls were giggling and the boys had looks of shock, amazement, and something else which I was sure I had gotten wrong. Because it looked like lust.

"You guys better wipe your mouths with all that drool coming out." Alice said giggling.

I blushed hard and looked at the boys again. They were both staring.

"So let me get this straight." He took a big breath. "You have a tattoo…..on the inside of your thigh of a B….."

"And once you get married you're going to put the other guys first initial attached to it?" Edward breathed.

"God that's hot." Emmett groaned, I flushed ten shades of red.

Jasper laugh, Rose and Alice were giggling into their hands.

"I want to see it." Emmett mumbled. Too bad for him, Rose heard and smacked him hard. "Ow, Rosie."

"We keep telling Bella it's hot, but you know she's just too innocent to think that. Guys love marking their territory. I'm telling you." Jazz teased me.

"Tell me if I'm wrong, but didn't you say that you punched three guys that night after Bella told them –because she was drunk – that she had the tattoo?" Rose said raising an eyebrow.

Jazz frowned. "Well, she's like my sister. And I was the only one not drunk."

"I'm never going to get married so it's never going to happen." I told them.

I saw Jasper looking at me, but didn't meet his eyes with my own. He knew my views hadn't changed.

"But still Bella, like Jazzy said. It's every guys dream to have their _brand_ on you." Alice said rolling her eyes.

"Territorial cavemen and all that shit. Like a dog marking his territory." Rose added, frowning.

"Hey its one of those things that guys can't explain. It's just the way we are." Jasper said shrugging.

"I wish Rosie would do someth-" Emmett's mumbling was cut off by Rose smacking him on the back of his head again.

We all laughed. When we had almost finished eating Jazz turned to me. "So what's up with Leah, you said that you talked to her today."

I laughed. "Okay let's see she married to John, they moved back to Forks, and you're the godfather to her daughter." I said in the most uninterested voice I could muster. "And oh yeah, my dad's engaged."

He looked like I'd lost my mind. "What?" He sputtered.

I laughed. "She got married; you were invited by the way." I smacked him again.

"Sorry."

"A month later she was El Prego, and now we are the god parents of the cutest little girl named Mary. Leah's working as the kindergarten teacher, and John works with my dad as a police officer." I was telling this mostly to him, but also to everyone else because they didn't know.

Jazz looked shock, and then he smiled. But then he looked at me concerned. "So about your dad….."

I laughed. Normally I would hate my dad getting married. But in this situation I couldn't. "Guess who he's marrying." He shook his head and shrugged. "Let's just say that Leah's mom is getting married too." I told him.

"No freaking way! Charlie's _marrying_ Sue. As in Sue Clearwater?"

I laughed and nodded. "Yep."

"I feel sorry for your dad." He mumbled. I just laughed again. I was laughing so much today, it was crazy. I hadn't laughed like this since before Jasper moved. The thought reminded me that we still had to talk, and my smile faltered.

We finished eating and everyone got into the two cars and headed back. Once they were out of sight I looked Jasper in the eyes.

"Why do I have the feeling that I don't want to hear this, but need too?" I asked in a whisper, my smile already miles away, even though it had been present most of the day.

"You've always had good instincts Bells." He said sadly. He looked me in the eyes for a moment before he gave me a half hearted smile. "Let's go get ice cream first. Charlie's is known for their ice cream." I nodded and walked with him down the street.

After getting one mouse tracks and one chocolate cone we started walking down the small streets of LaVeta.

"I don't know where to start." He sighed.

"As cheesy as this sounds, how about at the beginning?" I asked.

He nodded. "Right before….everything happened I got an email about an advanced history program in Colorado. I love you Bella, but I couldn't watch you go through all that. I was so depressed; I had to watch you die. And don't tell me you weren't, I saw it, all the life draining out of you. I just couldn't handle all the stuff going on after Alec….well after Alec. I am so sorry, and it was horrible of me, you should hate me for doing that." He stopped walking and looked me in the eye, but then dropped his gaze. Tears stung my eyes. He couldn't handle what I was going through. It was too much for him. I was too much for him. "I was just going to go out for a week. Not tell you guys because I was going to come back. Sort of like a retreat for myself. But things didn't go like that." His face got dark somehow, like he was remembering his worst night terrors. "I got out there and started the program. Like I said I was depressed at the time. I just hated seeing you like that." We were walking in a park at this point.

"I felt like I was failing an IQ test while I was looking into the history program. Something that you _can't_ fail, but it felt like I was doing something impossible with my life – in a bad way – and I didn't know how it happened. One night I was walking around Denver, when I went into a bar. Long story short, I met the wrong group of guys and one thing led to another." He stopped, looking at the grass.

"Jasper. What happened?" I asked. "What did you get into?" I asked. "Cocaine?" I said jokingly, barking out a laugh.

Jasper finally met my gaze. His eyes were scared, regretful, guilty, and sad. "Close enough. Meth."

I froze in shock. Jasper was always the good boy, always the one who wouldn't drink unless we practically forced him too. Wouldn't do anything his mom didn't want him too. For God's sake he never even broke curfew when we were teens.

"Bella. You have no idea the regret I feel about doing this. I know there is no excuse and that nothing can change the past. But I can't change it, even though I wish like hell I could." He whispered out desperately.

I closed my eyes, still not saying a word. He took this as a cue to keep talking.

"A year went by, and by that point I was more into it than I wanted to be. Aro, the guy who's like the King of all the Meth labs in Denver and Colorado in general, was my boss; I was dealing by that point. An important person in his group of minions. Of course I didn't contact you or Leah. I was ashamed of what I was doing, but couldn't stop. Even if I wanted to, I was too close to the whole system, it seemed impossible for Aro to let me just leave. I knew too much."

I couldn't process this. My mind was going in circles. I couldn't understand it, but I needed to know how it all ended. That it ended.

"About sixteen months after I had gotten into the whole thing, something happened. The police had known about Aro for years, but were never able to catch him. They got a tip or something, because one day every government agency seemed to break into Aro's main headquarters. Aro got away, but everyone else besides his inner circle was caught." A small smile spread across his face. "Edward was with those people. He was training, and weaseled his way in with his uncle's help. I don't know how he did it; he had only been at the academy for two years."

Jasper shook his head. "Anyway, that's how I met Edward. He helped me after the whole thing, got me counseling and stuff like that. I don't know why he helped me, out of all those people that he never saw again, but he did. I didn't even know that Rose was in the area at the time. I hadn't contacted her in almost two years. But Edward was Emmett's cousin, Emmett was dating my sister, and Rose knew Alice. I met Alice two months after I was 'saved' as Emmett likes to call it. It was love at first sight. I never wanted to go back, and I never did. I applied to the academy about six months later, and amazingly – with all their help – caught up with them."

Jasper stopped talking, his story over. I still hadn't said anything. I didn't know what too. I didn't know if I should punch him for being so stupid, to hug him because he got out of it, to cry because he was that stupid to get into it, or to punch and cry at the same time because he didn't reach out to Leah and I when he knew he was in deep and wanted to get out.

"Why didn't you call us?"

He looked relieved that I was talking, but then looked at me pleadingly, as if he was trying to get me to understand. "I couldn't. Not with Aro breathing down my neck-" I cut him off.

"No, until after everything happened and you got better." I clarified softly.

He hung his head. "I tried to so many times. To call I mean, or talk to you in some way." He kept staring at the ground, and looking like he was collecting his thoughts. "I wrote so many letters afterwards, but I couldn't face you guys."

"Jasper." I said slowly. "You could have called me. Or Leah, we would have under-" He cut me off.

He let out a dry laugh. "Leah is going to be pissed. She wouldn't have talked to me then, and I'm going to be surprised if she will talk to me now. And you know it." He stopped. "But I love you guys. I want to talk to her, to explain and try to get her to forgive me. I just can't believe I'm talking to you again, it's like the world is sick of me running away, and it just decided for me." Jasper stopped walking and looked me in the eyes. "I truly am sorry Bella. I was so stupid and I made the biggest mistake of my life." He looked down and shook his head. When he looked at me again his eyes were glassy with tears. "I really didn't think about it then, but I could have died. Really, I was living day by day. And not only because of using the Meth, but being associated with Aro, he could have shot me at a seconds glance."

We were quiet for a moment, before he choked out. "I could have never seen you or Leah again. Never said sorry."A single tear ran down his face.

I hugged him. "You're here now. That's all that counts." I whispered.

He pulled back, looked at something behind my shoulder and then looked into my eyes. "Please forgive me Bella. I know I don't deserve it. Especially after leaving when I did and not talking to you for five years. But please, forgive me."

I gave him another long hug. I missed his so much when he left and then when he didn't come back. It hurt too, more than he could ever know, him leaving me. But I needed him, like he needed Leah and me.

"Yes Jasper. I forgive you." I whispered.

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**Hello my lovelies. A new chapter and now Jazzy Boys here! Yayyyy! I know it was kind of a heavy chapter, but hey, let's face it, it's a heavy story….. : ) **

**I am SO sorry that this chapter is late. I'm vacation at the Grandparent's and they - of course - don't have WiFi, or any kind of internet. So...it took me a while to find a way to get this chapter up. Thank God for public library's! :P Hope you all like the chapter though.  
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**Please review! I need to hear what you think. I'm dying of review hunger. Losing strength. *imagine me falling to the floor* Need. Some. Reviews. FAST. Pleassssse! :D **


	8. Author's Note Sorry

**A/N: Hello dear people! I am so sorry about the lack of update last Wednesday, to be perfectly honest, I forgot. Things have been a bit more than hectic the last couple weeks. Sadly June (my beta) can no longer beta for me. Because of this, I will not be able to update another chapter till I can find another beta. But if it's like a month and I haven't found a beta yet, I will post the chapter un-beta-ed if you all would like. Please don't review to this chapter, I will be replacing it when I am able to update another chapter. But if you would like to get a hold of me, please go to my profile and PM me. I'd like to hear from any or all of you. :D Again I am sorry, as is June, but I am not stopping with this story so please keep an eye out for its return! **

**~MusicAddict6~ aka ~Becky~**

**P.S. If you are interested in beta-ing for me, here is what I need: Someone with good spelling and grammar, someone who can catch me if I repeat myself or write things in an unrealistic way, or in a way that doesn't make sense, someone I can bounce ideas off of and won't be offended if I don't use their comments. Someone who isn't going to try and take over my story but will give me suggestions. And finally someone that will be able to get back to me in a two week period of me sending them chapters. **

**I know it's a hefty list. :P But like I said if you're interested PM me, or if you want to tell me something, or give me a 'review' to this AN please send me a PM as well. I will answer all of them. :D **


	9. Friends and Comfort

_**Rundown of what has been happening the last chapter and a half: **_

_Bella reconnected with J.T. her best friend from Washington, or the third Musketeer. J.T. got into drugs when he left, and was a mess because of everything that was happening with Bella, and more personal stuff. Bella's J.T. also happens to be Alice's Jasper, and has been friends with the cabin 8 clan since Edward was part of the team that busted a drug lord that Jasper was working for after he left Washington without telling Bella or Leah. Bella forgave Jasper for what he did the last chapter after talking to her about it. Some of you might be upset about this, but Bella isn't the type to hold a grudge, she forgives easily. **  
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><p><strong>Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of the twilight characters. <strong>

Play List:

Let It Be _by _The Beatles

Chapter 7.

Friends and Comfort

_**BellaPOV**_

We were all sitting in my room on Sunday night, when I realized that I had to call Leah. I told her the edited version of what had happened yesterday, she was very quiet through the whole thing. This was _not_ a good sign.

"Mommy are you okay? You look mad. Is that Aunty Bella?" I heard Mary ask in the background.

"Yep it's me." I said even though she probably couldn't hear me. We were sitting in my room my phone in the middle of the bed on speaker phone. And when I say we, I mean the whole clan, this was the first time that Emmett and Edward got to hear the force that is Leah, all signs said that this was not going to be a happy conversation.

"Hi Aunty Bella!" Mary shouted into the phone. "Are you coming to see us?" She asked.

"Not right now Hun, but I'll be there for Thanksgiving." I told her, smiling fondly.

"So he's back huh?" Leah said in a biting tone. She didn't know that we weren't alone.

Leah had been my best friend since I could barely talk in full sentence. I knew her like the back of my hand, and I could tell when something was about to blow. She. Was. Pissed.

"Umm, yeah." I said glancing at Jasper who was holding Alice and looking at the carpet in shame.

"What makes that asshole think that he can just waltz back into your life? Huh. He leaves and makes sure that there is no contact between us, except a Christmas card once a year. That's the only reason we knew he was alive. I send him a wedding announcement, is there a reply? No, in fact it came back because he moved without telling us. I send him an email that I'm pregnant. Is there a reply? No the address is valid anymore. I get his new email address and tell him he's the godfather of my child. Is one single word back from him? No!" She was yelling now. "And then I send him another email, telling him that I can't believe he did this, that he won't talk to us, that your getting worse, that-" I cut her off before she said something else about me. Not here, not right now.

"Leah! Stop, not only am I not alone in my room, but you're on speaker phone." I tell her. I was never one to hold a grudge. I easily forgave. Leah was mostly the same…..after she ranted and chewed the other person out.

She was quiet for half a beat. "Mary, babe. Please go hang out with Daddy for a while in the garage."

"But I want to meet Aunty Bella's friends." Mary whined.

"Mary? This is one of Aunty Bella's friends. My name's Edward."

"Hi Ed- Edwe- Ed" Mary said cheerfully, but got frustrated when she couldn't pronounce his name.

"It's okay Babe. You can call me Ed. But I need you to do me a favor and go talk to your Daddy. Your mommy has to tell Aunty Bella _big _secrets. And it's not nice to listen to other people's secrets is it?" Edward asked. I melted a little at the way he interacted with Mary.

"Fine." She sighed. "But can I talk to you when I get back?" She asked.

"Yes, you can." Edward told her.

It was quiet for a minute or too while Mary left the room. Jasper looked like he was going to pass out.

"Who's all there, Bella?" Leah asked in a scary calm voice.

"Well me, and Rose, Emmett, Alice, Edward, and…..Jasper." I told her reluctantly.

"Is he listening?"

I looked over at Jasper who had his eyes shut and was even paler if that was possible. Here this guy was a graduated CIA agent and he was scared of a woman across the country.

"Uuhh, yes?" I said like a question.

"Good. Now you listen and you listen good Jackass." She said calmly, which made what was too come even daunting.

"You should feel _sooo_ lucky that your ass is not in Washington. You have missed some of the most important things in my life. My wedding and the birth of my baby. But you know what that's not even what I'm most pissed about. I can accept that if you couldn't make it or something happened. I could forgive you, and yes I'd be angry but I would have known. However, that's not the way you handled it, you decided to leave and not tell us, not talk or contact us in any way. You have been mine and Bella's best friend for almost 20 years and you just disappeared." I noticed that she counted the last five years. To most people that wouldn't mean anything, but to me it did, it meant that there was still hope that she'd forgive Jasper.

Leah took a deep breath; she was getting emotional, which caused her to go from pissed and livid to sad and hopeless. I put my head in my hands, I knew where she was going with this.

"But you know what Jasper? That's not the thing I can't forgive you for. I'm me, and now I have John and Mary, and I have a way of making my way through things and living with them. But you abandoned Bella. And for that I can't forgive you. I know that there are other people listening to this Bella and that you don't want them to hear it, but Jasper needs to know this. When you left she was bad, worse than after her mom because of Alec." This caused some of the fire to come back. "For God sake Jasper, her boyfriend had just died! And what did you do, you supportive friend? _You. Left." _ She stated menacingly.

I flinched. I had been doing so well this week, not thinking about things like Alec and my mom. I hadn't had a single flashback. But when she said that, one hit me.

"_I'll be right back. I need a coffee." Alec told me. _

"_Fine, but we need to get to class." I told him. _

"_It will be fine Bella there's a Starbucks a block away. I'll be back in a jiffy." He said grinning. _

"_My boyfriend the dork. Really Al, who says jiffy?" _

"Bella!" I was pulled out of it thankfully. I wasn't crying yet, but that was only because I hadn't seen the rest of that day. If I had seen the rest again….I didn't want to think about it. I hadn't seen or dreamed that memory since right after he died.

"Bella? Babe, I'm so sorry. Are you okay, what was it?" Leah was still on the phone. I started to be aware of my surroundings and felt Jasper holding me, and everyone else looking like they wanted too.

I cleared my throat. "I remembered right before it happened. You guys pulled me out before I saw-" I couldn't finish the sentence, Jasper's hold on me tightened.

"Oh I'm so sorry Bella." Leah told me sounding like she had committed the worst crime. They both knew what that meant.

It was quiet for a moment before Edward moved so he was in front of me, holding my hands. His eyes looking pained. "Bella, please tell us what's going on. We need to know so we can help."

I looked down. "Bella you can tell them, these are some of the most trustworthy people I know." Jasper said softly.

"I don't think you have a right to call anyone trustworthy at the moment!" Leah hissed over the phone.

Jasper sighed, "Leah I cannot tell you how sorry I am, there are reasons. But right now is not the time to go into that. Bella, really since I couldn't talk to you…..well I've become best friends with Edward and Alice is my other half. Rose is my sister and she trust Emmett with her life, and so do I. You can tell them."

"You should, Bella." Leah said.

Great another wall to break down, but this one was going to hurt if they were going to understand.

"I have triggered depression. And 80% of the time it is triggered my flashbacks. I am the only one known at this point, besides one of the person in Germany, that has flashbacks like mine." I was telling them like the doctor told me, emotionless.

"My flashbacks are like dreaming when I'm awake, but not daydreaming. I can't control them, or when they happen. I can't stop them besides being pulled out of them by other people. They are a memory of something that has happened, happening again. I relive it. The flashbacks themselves are triggered by different things." I took a deep breath. "I only have flashbacks of two people. Two people who have died." I told them finally opening my eyes and looking them all in the eyes before stopping at Edward.

"My mother, and my boyfriend, Alec."

They all were quiet, a look of understanding came over their faces. Finally Jasper spoke.

"How bad have they been since the last time I saw you?" He asked.

I heard Leah scoff. "She had just lost her boyfriend. How bad do you think they were?"

"Leah, it's okay. But yes they were bad after you left. Especially after you left, I had dreams then too. Still, since coming here they've lessened, mostly over the last week." Again no one said anything for a moment.

Edward cleared his throat and began to talk, but I cut him off when I saw his eyes.

"Don't you dare pity me." I told Edward, along with everyone else warningly. "This does not change anything about m-"

I was going to go into a rant but Edward cut me off. "Bella. I wasn't going to say anything like that. I was just going to ask – and you don't have to answer this if you don't want too – but, what are you flash backs of, usually?" He asked.

I was shocked for a moment by his question, I don't think anyone – besides my therapist – had asked me that question. I shook my head to clear it.

"Different things. It depends what triggers it. But sometimes I can't even find the trigger. Some times its happy memories, other times ones that really aren't happy or sad." I paused before I said the next part. "And then there are the ones that are of what happened right before-"

I couldn't finish my sentence. It had been thirteen years since my mother had died. Almost five since Alec, and yet I really never said the word dead with their name in the same sentence aloud. And just like that I broke down, silent tears falling.

I forced myself to stop crying and looked at Edward. "I saw right before Alec, my old boyfriend, died. Thankfully you all pulled me out, trust me, you all would be running right now if I had saw that."I tried to joke.

Rose and Alice looked Jasper so he could explain. One word would explain it all. "Hysteria." He told them sadly. I crawled out of his arms when Alice's tears started rolling down her cheeks. Jazz, the sweetheart looked torn. He didn't know if he should comfort the love of his life, or his best friend. I didn't care what Leah said, we still were his best friends. No matter what happened.

I nodded once; he knew what I was saying and went over to hold Alice.

But soon after Jasper's arms left me, new ones circled around me. I instantly felt calmer; I felt safe and something that I couldn't identify. I leaned my head back into Edwards shoulder. We all sat in silence for what seemed like hours but really were only about five minutes. Tears were rolling down my face. I remembered something that Alec had told me when we were watching City of Angles. It was the scene when Seth is talking to Maggie about tears and crying. I was telling Alec how I loved the explanation when he looked me in the eyes and told me:

"I never wish you any harm. But I think you need to let your body weep more." I said in a whisper as he told me that day.

"Oh Bella." Leah said. She was the only one I had told.

I closed my eyes the act making my tears fall faster. "I'm okay. I'm fine. If anything Alec is probably smiling right now." I looked at everyone in the room. "Alec always said that I never cried enough. That I needed to learn to let my body weep. And I've cried more in this last two weeks than I have in years. I've never been much of a crier. So he must be happy." I said through my tears as a small smile crept onto my face.

"He sounds like a good boyfriend." Rose said, quickly wiping away tears from her face.

I nodded. "He was a good person. But more of a friend than a boyfriend I see now. I loved him more like a brother than a lover." I said looking down, as that pain came over me. I felt Edward's arms around me. I wouldn't let us happen, but I needed his comfort right now.

"Bella honey, I'm so sorry but I have to go, Mary and John are back. Hold on they want to say hi." There was a pause as Leah switched the cell on to speaker phone.

"Aunty Bella! I brought Daddy to talk to you too." Mary's happy voice said.

"Thank you Marry. Hi John, how are things going there? You taking care of Leah and Mary?"

"Um, yeah. You okay Bella?" John asked concerned.

"Yeah. I'm fine." I told him, leaning into Edward even more, and his arms tightened around me even more.

"Aunty Bella, you sound sad. Do you need Baby to make you feel better. 'Cause every time I'm sad Baby makes me feel better." Mary said wisely.

I chocked out a small laugh through my tears. "You keep Baby, but tell her hi for me, and give her a hug."

"Okay. I miss you Aunty Bella. Can't you fly on the big airplanes and come back early. Thanksgiving is a long, long, way away." She complained.

"I know sweetheart. I can't though. But I have a big job for you. Can you do something for me?" I asked her.

"Yes! I'm a very big girl now. I can do anything you want me too."

"Good. Because I need you to take care of you Mommy and Daddy for me while I'm gone. And Grandma Sue, Uncle Seth, and Grandpa Charlie. Can you do that?"I asked her.

"Yes! That's easy. But Grandpa Charlie and Grandma Sue are making silly faces at each other and kissing." She told me in a discussed voice. I had to laugh at this.

"I know. Just tell them that they need to stop, okay."

"I will." She said seriously. "But is Ed there?" She asked.

"Yes he's here."

"What cha need Mary?" Edward asked, resting his chin on my head.

"Hi Ed, you sound really nice. And I need you to take care of Aunty Bella for _me. _Me and Baby aren't there to give her hugs when she gets sad. See, sometimes Aunty Bella gets real sad and she needs supper hugs. Do you know how to give supper hugs Ed?" Mary asked the last part in a whisper.

I couldn't see Edward's face since he was hugging me, but when he spoke I did heard a sad smile in his voice. "Yes I do. And I promise to take care of her."

"Good. But I'm really, really, _really_, hungry because Mommy's been telling secrets and not making dinner so I have got to go help her. Will you send me a letter Aunty Bella?" Mary asked me.

"Yes I will sweetheart. As soon as I can." I told her.

"Yay! Bye!" She said. Leah and John said bye also before they hung up the phone. Everyone was quiet for a moment before Emmett decided that we had had too much seriousness for one night.

"So Ed…." Emmett grinned. "Why didn't you tell me that you knew how to give supper hugs?"

Edward didn't say anything, but one of his hands came off of me and flipped Emmett off.

"It's so good to know that I've been replaced with Edward by my own god daughter." Jasper said teasingly.

I smiled. Mary was going to love Edward if she ever met him. "It's just because you don't know how to give super hugs. Don't take it personally Jazzy boy." Emmett said.

Jasper pouted. But then looked at me and became serious again. "You okay Bella?" He asked me.

"Yeah. I will be. Thank you all. Really. You guys shouldn't have to deal with this."

"Bullshit." Emmett told me. "We take care of our friends. No matter how crazy they are." He said and winked at me.

"We have to get going Bella, but call if you need anything." Rose said, standing up, I stood as well and she gave me a hug.

"Yeah, we'll let you get some sleep, but if you need anything, we'll all come back." Alice told me. Both her and Jasper giving me hugs.

"I can stay if you want." Jasper whispered as he hugged me.

"No its okay. Go be with your girl." I told him. I could feel the heavy hopeless weight of the depression, but not as bad as it normally was after a flashback.

They all started walking out the door, leaving only Edward left. He looked torn, looking at the door and then looking at me. Like he had an internal fight going on.

"I will be okay." I told him.

He stared into my eyes for a minute before nodding.

Edward took two big steps before crushing me to his chest. "I just made a promise to a four year old to give you super hugs. I'm not going to break that promise." He told me, and didn't let go of me. But truthfully I didn't want him too.

After another moment he leaned so his mouth was right next to my ear. "I don't pity you Bella. I admire your strength for getting through all of this, and still being the amazing person you are." He told me. Then Edward broke the hug, gave me one more smile, and walked out of my room.

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**I'mmmmm Back! Mahahaha! :P Hello lovely peeps. Long time no update, sorry about that. For a while I thought I had a beta, but then I never heard back from them…so I decided that I wanted to post anyway! It's been **_**way**_** too long…. ^L^**

**Well there you go. I hope you all liked it, Leah hasn't really forgiven Jasper, but she understands that they need to talk and that Bella is more important at the moment. **

**Please Review! Even if you hate it, or you thought that I butchered the chapter, please let me know! Really all you have to do is click on the pretty blue button down there, and then write either love or hate (at the very least) and the send it. So Review! :D**


	10. Paintball

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the twilight characters.**

Play List:

Breathing _by _Lifehouse

Chapter 7.

Paintball

_**BellaPOV**_

It was Monday, and the day started just like the morning two weeks before; my first day on the ranch. I got up at 6:30am, got dressed in my running cloths, stretched, and went out on the front porch into the early morning sun. The air was cool and crisp and had a smell to it that I had realized you only could smell here, on the base of this mountain.

I was still a little emotionally exhausted from last night but I felt better than I had weeks. It felt so good to have both of my oldest friends back. And now I also had the rest of my new friends there for me. Dare I say that I felt semi calm?

I brushed the thought from my head so I didn't jinks it and had just tied my shoe when I saw Edward come up.

"Good morning." He said. Sounding extra happy this morning.

I smiled, slightly confused. "Good morning to you too. So where are we going this morning?" I asked.

He grinned. "This morning, we – are going to race." Edward said, pausing in the middle to be dramatic.

I grinned back, "Well it's your dignity and ego that gets a hit every time that I win. So…..why not?"

"Oh, no, no, no. You see this time, I'm gonna win." He said confidently.

I laughed at him. "Is that so, Mr. Cocky? Well tell me if I'm wrong, but haven't I won all the races that you've insisted on running?"

"But you see …..Today is my day. I plan on kicking my best friend's ass." He told me, but he wasn't grinning when he said this. He was smiling meekly, as if asking for permission.

For a moment I was shocked. I considered him the person I was closest to out of the cabin 8 gang, but I'd never thought of him as my _best_ friend. It sounded almost wrong to say that I had best friends besides J.T. and Leah. Yet, for some reason, even though is _sounded_ wrong it _felt_ right. We had only known one another for the last two weeks, but I still felt oddly close to him.

Thinking about it was giving me a head ache, so I said what felt natural.

"Well, your best friend thinks differently. So enough talk. Put your feet where your mouth is." I teased; well only half teased.

Edward snorted. "Really? My feet where my mouth is?" I shrugged and smiled.

"Alright, around the cabins, a circle. The first one to touch my door wins." I told him. He nodded. "Ready, set, go!" I said and like that we were off.

All our races started out the same, Edward and I neck and neck. Then right as we were passing cabin 3 Edward would kick it up a notch and would be about 4 yards ahead of me. By this point we were half way through the circle and Edward always got smug, and thought that he was going to win; stupid boy. Then we would pass Angela's cabin. This was the time I kicked up. I would run past Edward stay a good 6 yards ahead of him until I got to my front porch and touched the door. The circle was 2.8 miles and this morning, I of course won, like I had every time before.

I laughed as Edward came up behind me and touched the door only about 30 seconds after I had.

"So, what were you saying about beating my ass?" I asked smirking but breathing hard.

"Shut it Swan." He said as he trying to get some air into his lungs, bent over with his hands on his knees.

"No, no. I think I'll brag for a while. I like this whole winning thing." I teased. Still a little out of breath.

"I never would have guessed that." Edward told me sarcastically.

"I know right? I guess it's a new development."

"Sure it is. Along with finding out the earth's a sphere."

"Really, I always thought it was flat." I put on my biggest most innocent eyes….before I broke out laughing.

He shook his head and chuckled. "You're an absolute dork, _bestie_."

"Right back at cha, _bestie."_

%*!*!*!*!*!*!*%

The rest of the week was just like Monday morning, fun and mostly care free. It was that week that I really let my new friends in. They didn't know all about me, but I wasn't trying so hard to shut them out.

Alice really got into the whole bonding thing, and decided that we needed a girl's sleepover. And let me say she went_ all_ out. By the time I got to her cabin, she had set up the works. All the furniture was pushed back in the TV room, and there was food and alcohol galore. She made us set up sleeping bags, and we spent the night watching chick flicks, I made sure that they were at least funny ones, not the mushy ones – I don't know if I could have handled those. We did this all while eating moose tracks ice cream, drinking, and gossiping. We all got drunk, but I had a blast, even if had the worst hang over on Wednesday.

After Monday when Edward had called me his best friend I realized that if felt like that. I was happiest and closest to Edward. I had one flash back on Tuesday when we were hanging out and watching a movie. It was about Alec and me watching TV right after I had started dating him. When it was over I just stared at the wall, not doing anything even though I was screaming and sobbing on the inside. This would completely freak most guys out, but Edward just held me. Didn't say anything, like he knew that I just needed someone to be there for me.

It was now Friday; we had eaten breakfast and were just on our way to our disguise class. This was an odd class, but useful too if we ever had to go somewhere as someone else. It taught us how to talk, act, and dress when we had to blend in. It was Alice's favorite class because clothes were involved every now and again.

"So, are we hanging out tonight?" Jasper asked as we walked.

Rose snorted, "When have we not hung out in the last two weeks?"

"Good point. Well we don't have anything going on tomorrow night and I have a feeling that we're going to get board unless we plan."

I rolled my eyes. "You haven't changed at all Jazz. Always the planer-"

"I vote we BBQ!" Emmett shouted interrupting me.

"Sounds good." Edward agreed. "But we don't have any meat to grill."

"And to think we're cousins. I got steak and brats last weekend." Emmett said in a 'no duh' voice.

"Mmmm, I love steak." I said.

"See now this girl I could be related too." Emmett said swinging his arm around my shoulders.

I laughed. "You know I've always wanted a big brother."

"Considered yourself adopted Bellsy Wellsy."

"Not if you call me that." I said, ducking under his arm, and making a face.

"First rule that I had to tell your Uncle when he started dating was never tack Wellsy at the end of a girl's name." A new voice said teasingly.

"Dad! Hey what are you doing here?" Emmett asked walking over to an older man that was wearing dark jeans, work boots, and a t-shirt. He had light blond hair and the bluest eyes I had ever seen. Now, I usably didn't think that older guys were hot, but this man was an exception. I could see how he was Emmett's dad, more importantly Edward's uncle. Looks get passed down…..

_Where the hell did that come from?_

I shook my head, getting rid of my thoughts in time to hear Edward talk.

"Funny," he smirked. "My Dad is not only older, but he said that _he_ had to say that to _you_ after you called your date Kelsey Welsey."

Emmett's dad turned a little red. "Well you know, long time ago." He brushed off.

"Poor girl." A woman said. I turned to see an older woman wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and tennis shoes. She had darker brown red hair that looked like it had natural high lights in the sun, and green blue eyes, the same color as Emmett's. "She couldn't stand you after that, 'a man with a bad sense of humor' I think her words were." The woman smirked.

"Mom!" Emmett said, and gave her a hug.

"Hi Honey." She said smiling. She looked at the rest of my friends saying hi, then she saw me. She smiled warmly, and put out her hand.

"Hello. My name is Esme, Emmett's mom. And this is Carlisle, his dad." She introduced herself and her husband.

"I'm Bella." I told her shaking her hands. "Nice to meet you." I smiled at both of them.

"Bella was-" I shot him a look. "Is my friends from my home town." Jasper told them.

"Ahhh, so you're _the_ Bella." Carlisle said, raising an eyebrow.

I looked at Jasper. "I thought that you said you didn't tell them anything about me, except that there was a me?" I asked, also raising an eyebrow.

Jasper chuckled and looked down. "Well all my funniest stories have you in them…." He trailed off.

I huffed. "Well I'm not so clumsy now."

"And she'll get a chance to prove that." Carlisle told me winking. "Phil asked us to come and do a test of sorts for the last years, you know, with a theme."

"Theme?" I asked.

"Yeah, Dad and Mom come every year and do this thing for the people that are here for their last year." Emmett said.

I raised an eyebrow again. "Thanks for all that information." I told him sarcastically.

Everyone laughed. "It's like a test. But since everyone should be here, we can explain it to everyone." Carlisle told me.

I looked around to see about 25 people scattered around us. Carlisle and Esme went to the middle of the circle that had been made by the people, and Carlisle cleared his throat jokingly. Esme swatted his arm, and he grinned back at her.

She shook her head and then turned to all of us. "Hello, my name is Esme Cullen, and this is my husband Carlisle." She gestured to Carlisle and he bowed. A laughed echoed through the air by the arena where we were. It was a small field like thing, with green grass and wild flowers.

"We are here to give you a test." Esme continued to explain. There was a collective groan, but Edward just grinned and shook his head.

"It wasn't an accident she worded it like that. She thinks it's hilarious to make them all think it's a written test." He whispered in my ear. I shivered, but shook off the feeling, and turned my attention back to the two people in front of me.

"This test will determine what you really know, and how well you would do once you have your first assignment in the CIA." Esme continued. Someone raised their hand and Esme motioned for them to talk.

"How are you going to test us on that, beautiful?" I recognized Tyler's voice. I tried very hard to cover up my laugh, along with Rose, Jasper, Alice, and Edward. I looked at Emmet, expecting him to be laughing the hardest, however he was not laughing at all, not even smiling. He had a look of disgust and anger on his face. I glanced at Esme and Carlisle, Esme was blushing. Carlisle seemed to catch Emmett's eye and smiled reassuringly, but then he caught mine and winked.

He turned toward Tyler and put on a gay voice. "Why thank you, you're not bad lookin' yourself." Carlisle waved his hand out in a psha movement that you saw when people mocked gay people.** (AN: I would just like to say that I have nothing against gay and lesbians in the least. In fact I have some friends that are gay, or as they like to say are, 'sexually flexible' : P)** At this I burst out laughing, along with everyone except Esme who was putting her hand on her mouth to stop the laughter, and Tyler who was blushing deep red.

"And just so all you losers know. Those are _my_ _parents_." Emmett said loudly. Tyler turned even deeper red and looked slightly scared. I chuckled softly again, but I turned my attention back to Emmett's parents when Carlisle started talking.

"Okay. Now if no one else is going to hit on my wife." He smirked at Tyler. "Then I'll tell you what you're all going to be doing today. Every year we come in to set something up for the people here for their last year. It is like a test but…not on paper." He told us smiling enthusiastically, the same smile that Emmett wore when he was excited.

Esme laughed. "Here's what you're going to do. You will all be split up into groups of four." She silently counted. And then laughed. "It looks like you'll get your way after all Carlisle." Esme told him, but only the people closest to her could hear what she said.

"Mr. Moon has taken one thing that belongs to each of the groups that he has set up." Carlisle told us – now a full out grin on his face – pulling out a piece of paper which I assumed had the groups listed on it. "Your job is to find that thing. It can be anywhere on the ranch."

"Your not going to tell us what it is, are you?" Jasper said.

Esme smiled sweetly and shook her head. "No Hon, where's the fun in that? Here's the twist though. You want to get your thing back first, stop other people from getting theirs', and…" She trailed off looking at her husband.

As if we were in a movie, the sky which was overcast, suddenly was split with a bolt of lightning fallowed by thunder. Carlisle's grin changed to an evil one I had, unfortunately, seen Emmett wear before. "You all will have paint ball guns."

"Yes!" Emmett and I said at the same time pumping our hands into the air.

I turned to Edward and grinned wildly. "I officially love your aunt and uncle!"

He laughed. "I think it's pretty safe to say that you like paintball guns?" He raised an eyebrow.

Grinning wildly. "You have no idea."

%!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!%

"Emmett, Rosalie, Tyler, and Lauren, you guys are looking for something of…..Rosalie's it looks like." Esme told them as she handed them their guns and vests. She had gone through everyone except me, Edward, Ben, Angela, Mike, Jessica, Carlisle, and herself. The whole time I'd been praying that we wouldn't get stuck with the Horrible Quartet, as I so lovingly called them. But as Esme read off Emmett and Rose's name, I crossed my fingers to be with either Ben and Ange, or Esme and Carlisle. But when she spoke again those hopes were crushed.

"Edward, Isabella, Jessica, and Mike." I sighed as we walked up to get our guys and put on our gear. "You guys are looking for something of…..huh. Phil didn't write it down." She flipped it over. "Oh here. You are looking for something of Bella's." I raised my eyebrows in slight shock.

_What the hell did I have here that was worth something? _

But I didn't have time to think about it. The skies had turned an even darker gray, it was spitting rain, and thundering and lightning every once and a while. "That leaves us with Ben and Angela. Now remember." Esme told us. "The first team to find the person on their teams' possession wins. Ten paintball hits and you're out. And…don't give up if someone gets their thing first, you don't get your possession back unless you find it."

Carlisle clapped his hands together. Everyone had their stuff on and their guns in their hands. "Alrighty. Let's get this show on the road." And with that everyone was off.

Jessica and Mike were behind Edward and me. We were in the trees so no one was shooting at us. "Do you have any idea what we're looking for?" Edward asked me in a whisper. We seemed to have an unspoken agreement that we really weren't going to include our other team mates in our search; they'd just turn against us if we did.

I shook my head. "I have no idea."

"Well it has to be something that Phil would know has meaning for you. So what in your room, or cabin, has obvious meaning to you?"

We continued to jog through the trees about 30 yards ahead of Jessica and Mike. I went through everything in my room thing by thing. Finally it hit me. Phil trained with my parents and stayed in touch with my dad. He would know.

"I know what we're looking for. And I'll be damned if we don't find it." I said through gritted teeth.

Edward looked at me questioningly. "What is it?" Before I could answer a paintball went flying through the air. I hid behind a tree and peeked around to see who it was. There was a girl with curly dark hair glancing around, gun at the ready. I was pretty sure her name was Nessie, but really at the moment I didn't care. I quickly hid myself again and glanced at Edward. He nodded towards a pile of cut brush. I nodded, to show that I understood.

I looked, didn't see anything, shot once and then made a break for it. I felt a slight sting in my thigh but didn't stop. I dropped behind the pile, out of breath, and turned to Edward plop down beside me.

"Alright. I think we should get rid of Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee before we start looking. All the people are going to be near the roads so let's lead them their and then ditch them. If we're lucky, they'll get their ten hits."

I nodded in agreement and looked at the back of my thigh to see an orange splatter where the ball had hit me. "Did you get hit? Because as of now, I'm down to 9." I told him frowning.

"No I didn't get hit. But I don't think the person that was shooting fallowed us."

I nodded once again. "Once we lose the Tweedles, I'll tell you what we're looking for."

We started out again. Dee and Dum fallowing slowly, complaining the whole time. It had started to pore by the time we made it to the main roads. We caught a glimpse of other people, and by the time we were at Edward's place Dee and Dum were no longer in the game. However I got hit a three more times, as did Edward, in our hurry to get the other two out.

Esme had told us that we weren't allowed to go into our cabins but we could hide in, behind, and under anything we wanted, so we sat down behind Edward's cabin.

"Okay, I think that they took the picture I have of my parents and me." Edward's face was still calm but I could see the concern hidden in his eyes.

"I didn't see one when I was in there before. What does it look like?"

"I don't keep it out in the open. It was hidden in my dresser." I mumbled. "It's black and white, with a cheery wood frame." I told him.

"Well wandering around in the rain isn't going to help us. So we have to get an idea of where they would hide it." Edward told me, thankfully not commenting on what I had said about hiding the picture. The truth was I only looked at it when I was lonely for my parents, my mom mainly.

We sat there thinking for a while, and then Edward turned to me. "They did something similar to this a couple of years ago and my dad told me that they hid it, a piece of underwear that time my uncle was involved with that." He told me rolling his eyes. "Anyway they hid it in a place that that person went to a lot. Do you think….." He trailed off.

"What?"

"Do you think they hid it in the meadow?" He had a frown on his face, but his eyes were twinkling with the challenge.

"That's a brilliant idea. But the meadow will take a while to get to and back from if we're getting shot at." I told him slightly concerned.

He glanced at his watch. "I know, but we've been out here 45 minutes. We've got to do something." I thought for a minute and then nodded my head firmly.

"Alright let's do it." We got up and peek around the house. No one was there so we started jogging towards the meadow.

There was the noise of a shot and I ducked to the left almost falling over Edward.

"What the hell?" I turned to see Emmett grinning at me.

I rolled my eyes and ran so I was hidden by the porch of one of the cabins. The door of it opened and Jane, one of the second year girls poked her head out. She saw me but I put my finger to my lips. She looked at Emmett and my gun. She grinned and motioned for me to stay, I nodded.

Edward was soon beside me and I peek around the porch. Emmett was strolling up with Rose, an evil grin on his face ready to shoot. I lined up and shot perfectly. Edward caught on and hit the other side. Emmett looked shocked, and Rose broke out laughing.

Emmett now looked like he had two pink nipples. The chances that they were both pink made it even funnier. Maybe luck was with us today.

"I'm calling a truths for that." Rose called.

"How can we trust you?" Edward challenged. "How do we know that you're not going to shoot us like crazy?"

Rose was still laughing. "Because we lost the other losers and you just made my day by doing that."

Edward grinned. "I think she's telling the truth."

"Alright." We walked out to meet them just as Jane came out with water bottles.

"Thanks." I told her as I took one."

She smiled. "Should I give one to them too?" She nodded towards Emmett and Rose.

"Sure. They're our friends and we call a truths…..for the moment." I grinned.

She nodded handed us the water before running inside out of the rain. We all took a drink of our water before Rose spoke.

"So how are you guys doing?"

"Pretty good." Edward told them. Then he snickered. "We got rid of Jessica and Mike about 20 minutes ago."

They laughed. "Well we know what we're looking for….just not where to find it."

Emmett sighed and nodded. "Yeah, I hate not knowing. How far are you? How many times have you got hit?"

"We know what we're looking for and maybe where it is. I've got hit four times." I told him, turning slightly so he could see the blue pain on my thigh, by back, my arm, and one really good shot to my butt that I felt was going to bruise.

"Five times." Edward said simply.

"None." Rose said smugly.

"Well twice thanks to you guys." Emmet huffed.

Rose emptied her water. "Alright we got to get going. They took the music box my dad gave me when I was five. I really rather not have that get ruined in the rain." She told us.

We nodded. "We'll see you after." Edward said as we started jogging towards the meadow.

"Yeah, I hope you like third place!" I called over my shoulder. "There's no way your beating us or Alice and J.T." I grinned.

I heard Emmett yell something but the rain drowned out the sound. We ran in the mud up the roads till we got to the trail. It was mostly rocky so our shoes didn't sink in the mud. As we ran I couldn't shake the feeling someone was fallowing us. But no matter how many times I looked, nothing was there.

It took us about half an hour to get to the meadow, and that was our best time. Once we broke through the trees into the meadow we looked around frantically.

"Let's split up. Holler if you find something." I told Edward and started jogging around and looking.

About five minutes later I heard Edward call. I jogged over towards his voice until I was by the small creek that ran just inside the trees.

"Hey look." He held up a black trash bag.

"Is it in there?"

He looked down. "I didn't want to open it unless you were here. It belongs to you." He looked up and our eyes locked. For which I was grateful, I didn't see pity, just concern.

"Okay." I said softly, walked over and took the bag. I undid the knot and took out the picture of my parents. As I looked at it I remembered the day we took it.

"_Bella stand still!" My dad told me. _

_I pouted. "This is taking forever!" I told them throwing up my hands dramatically. _

_My mom just laughed, but my dad still looked annoyed. "Hun that's your fault. Your mom is insistent that we take this picture. Let's just get it over with. Smile once bright and pretty and then we can go eat!" He finished his rant with a grin. _

_It was Thanksgiving Day and my aunt was taking our family picture for the year. I, however, could not stay still, which made it turn out to make the 'picture' turn into 'pictures'. _

_I sighed, but nodded my head. _

"_Alright smile!" My aunt's too sweet voice told me. I rolled my eyes quickly before putting on my 'pretty' smile. The camera flashed and my smile immediately left my face. _

"_Now can we eat?" I asked as only a dramatic 9 year old can. _

_My mom pulled me to her side. "One day, you'll be happy that we took that picture. Even if it's to laugh at how you looked when you were 9." She told me smiling. _

_I shook my head. "I don't think so." _

_We were walking back inside when my dad, who had already made it back inside, poked his head out yelled to me. "Bells, your friends are here." He told me. And with that I ran to into the house leaving my mom laughing. _

"Bella?" Edward asked softly. I used the back of my hand to wipe a tear from my cheek quickly.

"Sorry." I told him. He still looked concerned. "Don't worry. I'm not having a depressed episode." I smiled weakly.

He smiled back and rapped his arm around me. "This picture must be important to you. Is that your mom?" He asked pointing to the tall woman with short dark hair, big smile, and a pretty face with dark eyes that were full of life.

"Yes that's Mom." I told him, a lump forming in my throat.

_I'm not going to cry. _I told myself.

"Well-" But I never got to hear what he was going to say. Because at that moment I felt a number of stings and pains in my back and legs when I heard paintball guns go off.

"Shit!" I cried. The shooter knew where to hit to make it hurt.

I whipped around as did Edward. Standing there was none other than Lauren. I quickly picked up my gun to shoot back, but she beat me to it.

It was like slow motion. She shot and it went strait. If I would have been turned around it would have hit my middle back. But I was facing her. Facing her with my picture in my hand. And that paintball went straight and hit the picture. The sound of glass shattering sounded, and then it was silent.

It took about 5 seconds for Lauren to bolt. About 3 for me to look down and the broken frame and glass and see that the ball splattered, thankfully, above all our faces, in the sky of the picture. Then it took me another 5 to stare at where Lauren had disappeared and run after her the picture still clutched in my hand.

I ran blindly through the trees trying to catch up to her. With the rain and the forest I knew that I didn't have a clear shot to shoot her, but god I wanted too.

We both were running so fast that soon we were at the arena. A group had gathered, either someone had won, or a lot of people had gotten hit 10 times. Lauren stopped in the middle of the circle, bent over; put her hands on her knees trying to catch her breath her gun attached to her back with the strap. As if she thought that I wouldn't do something in front of everyone. Yeah, freaking, right.

I stopped for a split second and then jumped at her. She tried to run, but she was out of breath so it wasn't hard to catch her arm, twist it so she flipped on her back on the muddy ground.

I couldn't take this crap. I just had just had a flashback of sorts and this bitch had shot at me and then wrecked my picture. One of the only pictures I had of my mom.

I still had her had her on the ground and pulled back to punch her when someone grabbed me.

"Let me go." I said through my teeth.

"Bella calm down." I head Emmett whisper in my ear. I barely registered that he was the one holding me.

I pulled and struggled to get lose, and was just about to hit him where it hurts when I heard someone run up.

I didn't take my glare off of Lauren. But I heard his voice.

"Emmett let her go." Edward said.

"Edward. She's going to beat Lauren to a pulp if I do." Emmett said in concern.

"I got her." And with that I felt different arms take my arms and hold me. But even though I felt calmer, it wasn't enough to make me stop. I struggled as I glared at Lauren who was standing next to Jessica, a smug smile n her face.

I heaved myself forward and through both of us into the mud, making Edward's grasp fall away. But before I could slap the smile off her face I hear yet another voice.

"What's going on here?" I finally broke my eyes from Laurens and got out of the mud.

At that point not even Phil yelling at the top of his lungs could stop me. But Esme sounding like my mom could.

Hot, angry, painful tears fell down my face. But I wiped them away quickly. I turned to see Esme, Carlisle, and Phil walk up. I also noticed that a tighter circle had formed and it was around me and Lauren.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to punch Lauren. I wanted to cry. I wanted to kick something. But really all that I wanted…..was for Esme to be my mom scolding me for fighting with someone.

But I just stood there. I couldn't say anything.

But Lauren could.

"Mr. Moon, Bella was chasing me and trying to beat me up because she was shot ten times." She told Phil, in what was supposed to be an innocent voice.

Never in my life had I ever wanted to punch and throw someone as I did right then.

Phil, Esme, and Carlisle turned to me in surprise. "Is this true?" Esme asked.

I laughed one humorless, slightly crazy, loathing laugh. "No. No it is not. And Phil if you know my parents you will know that. Hell, I didn't even notice that I had gotten shot 10 times. And if you really think that you're going to get away with what you did bitch, you are gravely mistaken." I said that last part to Lauren.

"That's not what happened." Edward said softly.

"Edward?" Carlisle said. For the first time since I had met him, no smile or humor was in his voice.

"Lauren did shoot Bella. After she herself had been shot 10 times it looks like. But she also ruined Bella's possession." He spoke in the same soft voice.

"Why is that Lauren?" Phil asked raising an eyebrow at her.

"Probably because Bella is a better agent that she is, and she thinks that Bella's after her boyfriend. As if." Rose scoff.

I was still glaring at Lauren and saw her snap. But instead of lunging at Rose, she did me. I welcomed the chance to fight her. Even in 'self defense'. She tried to punch me but I caught her arm.

"Bella. Don't." Edward said. And I didn't. I just held her arm. As tightly as I could.

Lauren laughed. "Listening to your bestie Bella? Are you upset because I ruined the picture of your mommy?" Raged filled my body. "That's right I found the picture before. What? Did something happen to your poor mommy? Bet she got herself sho-" But before she could finish I punched her.

Tears of rage were going to fall down my face. I could feel it. So I looked at her on the ground.

"If you knew half." Was all I spat, grabbed my picture out of Emmett's surprised hand and ran. I ran to my cabin, but then realized that I couldn't stand being where that bitch was living. So I kept running till I was at Edward cabin. I went inside and went into a room. I didn't know which room it was but I lay down on the bed and sobbed until the tears ran dry.

Sometime later, I don't know how long, I felt people come in. I could feel the bed sink when two people sit on it. Jazz's arms circled around me as he stroked my hair. I could feel them all in there, my friends. But I didn't move. I didn't do anything, just stared at the wall.

I don't know how long it was, but finally Jasper spoke. "Bella?" He asked. "Bella Hun, your freezing. You need to get out of these clothes."

"I don't have any with me." I told him, my voice sounded emotionless.

"I have some Pjs for you." Rose told me. I looked over to see her holding them in her hands. I nodded slowly and got up. I saw them all looking at me worriedly, but just walked into the bathroom, my face blank. Rose fallowed me.

"Here." She set them on the counter. "Take a shower, it should help." I nodded again as she left.

The hot water washed away the last of my tears, and when I got out I felt a little better. I toweled off, slipped into the flannel plaid Pjs and ran my fingers through my hair. I walked out to my friends.

They were all in the spots where I had left them. Alice and Jasper on the bed, Emmett in a chair in the corner, Rose on his lap, and Edward on the floor. These people had seen me cry more than anyone besides Leah, Jasper, and my father had.

"How are you?" Jasper asked.

I shrugged and sat next to Edward on the floor. His presence calmed me.

"What triggered it?"

"The picture." I said in a small voice. "I um, was remembering the day we took it." I looked up briefly to meet his gaze. "But it wasn't all that bad until she showed up." My tone was emotionless, I wanted to be numb, not feel.

"Well Lauren deserved a lot worse for what she said." Emmett said.

I shook my head. "No, I shouldn't have done that, even if she did deserve it. I'll probably be told to leave." I said.

"No. Actually Phil gave Lauren a warning. He said if he heard one more thing from her _she'd_ be asked to leave." Alice said. "Also that this wasn't high school and he didn't need girls like her causing drama over a boy."

"Really? But I punched her." I said frowning.

"But she started at you first, and then provoked you." Edward told me.

I didn't say anything and just kept looking at the wall.

It was quiet, before Rose spoke. "Bella? What was the picture of?" She asked concerned.

"It was of my family, when I was 9."

"The one you guys took that Thanksgiving?" Jasper asked.

I nodded. Jasper turned to everyone else, explaining."It's one of the only pictures she has of her mom. They had a flood one year and all our pictures were destroyed except for a few."

Edward wrapped his arm around me and leaned into his chest.

I closed my eyes fighting back her words.

_I bet she got herself shot._

If Lauren only knew how close to the mark she was.

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**Well there it is. I know it's sad. But it rained here for the last two days, and when it rains I tend to write sadder or more meaning chapters. Must be the brooding artist in me. ;) **

**I know that this chapter is long, but don't get use to it. It's a very rare treat. The next chapter will be very short...I think. If it is I will be posting it _before_ next Thursday, as well as posting like I usually do _on_ Thursday.  
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**Leave me lots of reviews for the long chapter? Please? Pretty, pretty please, with Oreos on top? I'll love you forever and you'll get a response if you can get PMs. I promise! **

**Review! :D**


	11. Darkness

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the Twilight characters.**

PlayList:

I Will Remember You _by_ Sarah McLachlan

Chapter 8.

Darkness

_**BellaPOV**_

Two weeks passed, and I was lost. Lost is the darkness that I knew to be my worst depression episode. Everything was cloaked in hopelessness, and solitude. Nothing was happy, nothing was funny, nothing was cheerful, nothing was anything. I was numb. And I couldn't be pulled out.

I was trapped.

For most of it I stayed in Edward's spare bedroom, doing nothing but staring at the wall and sleeping. When I wasn't there I was at my classes, but just going through the motions, I didn't really put myself into it like I usually did. When I was not doing training, the voices were foggy, and I didn't pay much attention to them. I heard my friends all the time, someone was usually with me in the room, but sometimes new voices were there; Phil, Carlisle, Esme. Sometimes Leah would call and talk to me, but I never talked to her. Nothing mattered. Nothing held my interest. Nothing could pull me out.

I didn't cry very often, but sometimes something would set me off. Esme, for instance, sounding like my mother, caring and having the warm presence of a mother, triggered my tears. As did British accents, which reminded me of Alec, which came into my room, when Emmett was watching a movie.

My mother and Alec were in every thought. I had flash backs every day. I didn't sleep much, the dreams were worse than the actual flashbacks.

Edward was with me the most. Holding me, stroking my hair, making me eat, and just being there. He seemed at a loss of what to do though. Like he wanted to do something, but never knew what. None of my friends knew what set me off, they didn't know when I was listening to them, or not, they just knew that I was in the darkest state of depression.

I refused anti depressants, I didn't need happy pills. All I wanted was to talk to and hold my mom and Alec again. But that was never going to happen, and that was why I was still in my depressed state after two weeks. I wasn't fighting.

If I was fighting hard, I maybe could have gotten out of the black that I was drowning in. But I didn't, and I didn't want to. I was so tired of fighting, and what was the point of it? I had nothing to fight for.

As I was thinking that I heard voices outside the door. I was lying on the red comforter, in Edward's spare room, staring at the wall. It was the middle of the day, but the curtains were closed so it was gray light that filled the room.

The voices I recognized were Edward's and Jasper's. I could tell they thought I couldn't hear, but I could if I wanted too. And at the moment, I wanted to think about anything but how I was never going to hold the ones I lost again.

"I don't know what to do." I heard Edwards muffled voice say. "It's like none of us exist. She hasn't spoken a word since the day that everything happened." He sounded tired and hopeless. Like me in some ways. I could practically see him pull his hand through his hair like he did when he was stressed.

"I don't know what to do either. She's never _not_ fought it. She's always at least tried." Jasper said. He knew it too, I wasn't fighting.

"What should we do? We can't just let her keep going like this! You've seen her. She looks like a ghost. She's lost weight because she won't eat, the only time she talks is in her sleep – and half of the time that's screaming – a-a-and. Jesus, I need to do something. Jazz, what can we do?" Edward asked desperate.

"I don't know Edward. She's my best friend and I'm at complete loss."

As I listened to them one thing struck me. They both sounded like they were in so much pain. I was _hurting_ them. The thought made me sick. Was I really that bad?

I sat up and looked in the mirror that was on the dresser across from the bed; I did look like as ghost. My hair was limp, my face sallow and pale, and my eyes were dull. I didn't look like me.

God, I needed to fight. Because I now had a group of friends and they were all worried about me. I was causing them pain. I was causing Edward pain.

I lay back down and squeezed my eyes shut, and talked for the first time in days.

"Mom, Alec, if you can hear me, please help me." I whispered my voice hoarse from my lack of speech. "I miss you both so much. But I'm causing the people I love pain. Jasper, Leah, Alice, Rose, Emmett, Edward-" I stopped as a realization came over me.

Oh god no. I sat up against the head board. No, no, no. This wasn't going to happen; I said I wouldn't let this happen. Realization crashed over me like a cold wave of sea water, leaving me sputtering in disbelief. This couldn't have happened.

But it did.

I was in love with Edward Cullen.

I didn't just love him like I did the others. I was _in love_ with him.

I put my head on my knees. I tear fell down my cheek. I don't know how long I stayed that way for. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours. All I could think about, was how bad this was. I had no idea what I was going to do. What could I do? I was in love with a man. It was something I said I would never let myself do.

_There was only one thing to do. _A voice in my head whispered.

I wouldn't tell Edward, or anyone else. I would keep it to myself and keep being Edward's friend. Maybe if I didn't get closer to him, the feeling would just go away. Even if they didn't, he wouldn't know.

As long as Edward didn't feel the same way, and he didn't know, it would all be okay.

I was broken from my thoughts as I heard someone walk up the stairs. By the sound of the footsteps, I knew it was Edward.

I quickly lay back down on my side, facing the wall, and closed my eyes, hoping that he would think I was asleep. I slowed my breathing and racing heart, and tried to calm myself. He slowly walked in the room, his soft footsteps on the carpet was my only sign he was actually in the room.

I fallowed his every footstep, as Edward continued walking. He walked over to so I could feel his presence in front of me. After being quiet for a while he must have thought I was asleep and he gently stroked his hand down the side of my neck moving away the hair.

"Oh Bella." He sighed. "How you hurt me without even knowing it…"

Those eight simple words cute my heart more than I thought was possible. I was hurting the man I loved.

_The man I love. _I repeated in my head.

Oh god this wasn't supposed to happen.

And yet, it did.

Edward continued to stroke my hair softly, careful not to wake me. He was always so gentle.

After a few more minutes Edward left the room quietly, and it was only then that I let the tears fall. His words rung through my head again and again.

"_How you hurt me without even knowing it." _

I had to start fighting. If I didn't who knew what would happen to me? But more importantly I couldn't continue to hurt my friends the way I had been.

I sat up slowly and for the first time ever really, I looked around the room. There were a couple vases of flowers and the closet was full of some of my clothes. They had settled me in.

I closed my eyes and shook my head. I was going to start fighting now. This wasn't acceptable. My friends didn't deserve this.

I took a deep breath. _Edward_ didn't deserve this.

And right then, I knew. I knew that the feelings for Edward weren't going to go away, they weren't going to lesson… They were there. I was in love with him.

But as long as he didn't know, it would be okay. If anything happened it wouldn't hurt as bad. I shook my head, that was a lie, it would hurt just as bad. But if something happened to me, and he didn't know _he_ wouldn't hurt as bad.

I stood up standing in the middle of the room. I would start fighting, even if I had to fake my way through most of it. I would start fighting for the people I cared about.

I would start fighting so I would stop hurting Edward.

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**Well there it is I'm not sure that I'm happy with this one but oh well *sigh* **

**Explanation for the lack of updates on the next chapter for those of you who are wondering. I do have a good reason! :P Thanks for reading and please REVIEW! **

**~*MusicAddict5*~ (Just in case you forgot who I was :P)**


	12. Stake and Angels

**Random Person jumping and pointing: It's a bird, it's a plane. No, wait... Oh my god! Is that a chapter for RTN? No way! It can't be.  
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**Why yes this _is_ a chapter, and I am _back!_ *evil laugh*  
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**Alrighty so as you saw last chapter…I'm back! So my computer crashed and I wasn't able to get to any of my files, thus the lack of update. But I am so idiotic that I forgot that I had made copies and I just remembered a couple days ago, so…yeah. :P And I wanted to let you guys know, that for those of you that have been reading this before this all happened I put a really good quote on the first chapter (chapter not prologue) So you all should check that out if you want… Well I guess that's it. Now remember I'm working without a beta for the time being, so please excuse anything wrong, I don't mean to be horrible at grammar! :P**

**We are going to have some sunshine now people, in both a literal and hypothetical sense! :P And I really don't know why I chose Wouldn't It Be Nice, for this chapter, I just couldn't think of anything else, which is weird because I haven't listened to the Beach Boys in ages! Who knows why my head is the way it is… *shrug* :P**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of the twilight characters. What can I say I'm unoriginal… **

Playlist:

Wouldn't It Be Nice _by The Beach Boys_

Chapter 8.

Stake and Angels

_**BellaPOV**_

Two weeks of a dark depression, and it took me that many to get out of it. After that afternoon, I fought like hell. Everyone was so shocked I think they thought I was a replica placed by aliens, but after a while they saw that even though I wasn't 100% better, I was trying.

It took two full weeks, but I was almost back to normal, to say that everyone was relieved was an understatement. It was just a reminder of how much pain I had caused them, and I made a promise to never have them see me that way again.

It was also two weeks of keeping my feelings out of my body language for Edward. I loved him, I didn't want to, and I didn't even let myself do it, but it happened, and that was that. Regardless, he wasn't going to know. I knew for a fact form parents and others that it was possible to fall more in love with someone, that couldn't happen to me. Yet, I knew it would if Edward knew and shared the feelings.

#!#

I woke to bright light coming through the window. But it was in the wrong place. I sat up slowly looking at my surroundings, and then I remembered falling asleep with everyone else in Edward's room. I continued to sit up, careful not to wake him as looked around.

Last night we had all put on a movie, and the last thing I remembered was Edward putting a blanket over me and lying down. Alice and Jasper had been kicked to the floor and Edward and I onto the bed when we started the movie. Edward said that he didn't care who was there first, the bed was his. Alice was on the floor next to Jasper on their make-shift bed and I didn't see Rose and Emmett, so I assumed they were ether in another room, or back at the other cabin.

I looked at Edward next to me. He looked so peaceful, his eyes closed, his hair all over the place (not that that was unusual), he was wearing dark blue guy shorts and a light blue t-shirt. He had scruff from not shaving and in all honesty, though I would have never told anyone, he looked beautiful.

I knew from the moment I met Edward that he would be considered good looking. But then I found myself mentally calling him hot or sexy. Now, after the realization that I loved him, he seemed more. Like his beauty was a glow from the inside. In fact, I was sure it was.

He looked like perfection.

Not only did I want him fiscally, but Edward seemed to make me feel better no matter what was going on. He could make me laugh or smile, he was caring, and also he was one of the most decent people I had met since coming here. And all those reasons where how I knew that I felt something more for him than friendship and attraction.

He stirred and I could see that he was starting to wake up.

"Hey." I was about to tell him that I needed to go home and change when Emmett burst through the door.

"Good morning star shine! The earth says hello!" He yelled, effectively waking up Jasper, Alice, and Edward. They had all jumped and Jasper, bless his heart, was on his knees holding his pillow looking for an attacker.

I snickered. But J.T. did not look amused, nor did Alice.

"You asshole!"

"You piece of shit!" Alice and Jasper yelled at the same time.

Jasper jumped up and started hitting Emmett's head with the pillow in his hand. Edward and I were laughing, Edward sleepily, when Rose walked in. She had cloths in her hand and she sat down on the bed and handed them to me.

"I picked these up for you." She told me smiling.

"Thanks. I think Alice and Jasper are a little pissed at your boyfriend." I told her laughing. After what happened they all seemed ecstatic that I could laugh again, and to be truthful, it felt great to be able to do so.

She laughed too. "Yeah, I heard him yell. And I know from experience, that waking up Alice and Jasper with yelling is a _bad_ idea."

"You didn't tell him that?"

"No, because he knows. But that doesn't stop him." We looked over at the three in question. The two newly woke from sleep beating Emmet up with pillows.

"Ow, Ow! OW! Okay, I get it I'm sorry!" He told them.

They both hit him one more time before stopping.

"What time is it?" Alice asked, now her chipper self.

I looked at the clock, shocked. "Wow, um, noon." I told them.

"Yeah you guys have been asleep foooorrrr eeeever!" Emmet whined.

I laughed at him. "You sound like Mary."

He shrugged. "I thought we were going to Barbeque! By the time you all get dressed it will be time. We're going to the lake to grill. So we can swim!" He looked like he was about to jump onto the bed, Edward must have had the same thought.

"I swear Emmett. If you dare jump up on this bed, not only with your shoes on, but while Bella and I are on here, I will make sure you do not touch any food today, or swim." Edward said in a warning tone, but I could hear slight humor underneath.

We had decided to do the barbeque that we never did after the whole paint ball thing, this afternoon at a lake only a short walk from the Ranch.

Emmett just looked slightly worried. "Fine. But hurry uuuuup!" And with that he walked out the door whistling the Gilligan's Island theme song.

I laughed. "Where in the world did you find him again?"

"I heard that!" He yelled back at us.

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After Emmett left, Alice and Jasper went next door leaving Edward in me.

"So, um my aunt and uncle are coming to the lake with us." He told me, almost hesitantly.

I blushed and felt shame wash over me. I could only imagine what the thought of me after what they saw. "Maybe I'll just stay at home."

"Why?" He asked softly.

"Come on Edward. They probably think that I'm some kind of lunatic." I took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. "I can't remember the last time I punched someone out of anger, or grief, and to make matters worse they saw what happened after the fact. I don't want to know what your aunt and uncle think of me now."

Somewhere in telling this to Edward I had sat down on the bed and looked at the floor. I didn't want him to see my one weakness, and I knew that it was in my eyes. I felt the bed sink next to me, but I didn't look over.

"Bella?" He asked softly.

I didn't look up. "Bella? Look at me." He said firmly.

I still didn't look up. I felt him move off the bed and suddenly those eyes that were so much like my mother's, were looking up at me as he crouched down.

"Bella. What happened last month wasn't your fault. You had a totally normal reaction to what happened. And I can tell you if I was in your position and Lauren or any one insulted my mother, I would have done a lot worse. You also had no control over the depression, and that's nothing to be ashamed of, lots of people go through depression." He let out a half hearted laugh. "My aunt and uncle think no less of you. They don't really know you and they aren't the type to judge. I can tell you now that they are worried about you, and want to see you again."

"It wasn't just that she insulted her. It was that Lauren was – she was just – I've never had someone – she got so close –" God I couldn't tell him, it was the first time I had even talked about it since it happened. Silent tears started to roll down my face. "God I don't want to cry anymore. You must think I'm bipolar." I let out a teary laugh with no humor behind it as I wiped away my tears.

"No, I think that you've been through some horrible things and that you are one of the strongest people I know because you laugh still. Because you didn't beat Laurent to a pulp yesterday. I know you can't tell me Bella, but know that you can talk to me. When you're ready, I'll be here." He stood up and grabbed my hands pulling me up with him. Then he pulled me into a hug, I laid my head on his chest for a moment, relishing in the comfort his arms brought me. I was falling even deeper, crap. I almost hated him because it felt like his arms were where I belonged, like I could face or do anything when I was with him.

They were very dangerous feelings. I had made the vow not to love a man, and broke it.

They were very dangerous feelings, for someone like me, because I wanted to tell him.

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We were walking down the road to the lake, talking about random stuff. We had both showered, Edward in his own bathroom, me in another bathroom in one of the other rooms. I had calmed down and was almost certain that Edward and everyone else thought that I was bipolar at this point, regardless of what he said. Hell, I was starting to think I was bipolar. I mean, I was starting to have mood swings that lasted anywhere from 10 minutes, to 10 hours. This shit was insane and it was wearing me out.

"What's your favorite movie?" Edward asked pulling me out of my thoughts.

I looked over at him, it was plain that he knew I was thinking about what had been going on for the last four weeks. If I had learned anything about Edward in the last weeks I had known him, it was that he was good at reading people. But thankfully, he didn't say anything.

"Oh uh, City of Angles." I told him.

He raised an eyebrow. "Really? Why?"

I shrugged, assuming he'd seen it by him not asking what it was about. "Well, it's a really good story. And I just like to think that angles are really here with us, helping. And then the whole thing, someone that really is having issues with her life, doesn't belong, an overachiever. Then an angle falls in love with her, he's right for her. And he helps her, gives up everything for her, even when it starts out rocky and ends kind of sadly. It's the only movie I've ever watched that can make me cry." I confessed.

He looked thoughtful for a moment. "I guess I can see that. And to tell you the truth I really hope that angels are with us. That they're helping us." He told me.

"I know for a fact that they are." Esme said. I looked up to see that we were already at the lake.

She was walking towards us wearing long white shorts that came to her knees, a light blue sleeveless top, and sneakers. Carlisle and Jasper were at the grill, and Rose, Emmett, and Alice were in the water.

"Hello Bella dear." She said and to my surprise she pulled me into a hug.

"Hi." I said. Maybe Edward was right. They didn't think I was some unstable loon that was going to punch someone at random.

"Hi Aunt Esme." Edward said and pulled her in for a hug. I might have swooned right there, but come on a guy giving his aunt a hug? That shits just too cute.

_Ahhh,_ I thought, look_ at you being all normal, and see, you're getting better. Even if it's about a guy you love and won't tell him that you do._

"What were you saying about angles?" Edward asked.

"Oh, well I've been on a couple missions when….well you need the whole story. I'll tell once we've sat down, the food almost ready." She smiled warmly at us and then started walking back towards the grill. We fallowed her and as soon as Emmett saw us he ran out of the water dripping wet. He ran straight to me and started swinging me in circles.

"Emmett put me down!" I told him trying not to grin.

He just laughed and didn't stop spinning to do so. I decided that I would have to do something so I kick his shin just hard enough for him to put me down.

"Owwwey Bella." He pouted and put me down to rub his shin. I hadn't thought twice about it but then I realized that I had again, hit someone. Sure it wasn't hard but still. I looked over nervously at Carlisle and Esme. But to my relief they were laughing.

Alice and Rose came out of the water also; Rose in a red bikini with a gold swirly design on her bottoms and her left breast. Alice had a green one on with gold metal links scattered here and there.

"So, what took you so long?" Alice asked.

"Edward takes forever in the bathroom; I swear he is such a girl." I told them rolling my eyes.

We were all over at a picnic table now, and Carlisle laughed. "He takes after his father. We shared a bathroom when we were kids. He would take hours just to get ready to go to school. And the hair! Oh god, my brother would sit for hours trying to get it just right."

"Hey! I resent that comment! And my hair is cool thank you very much; you all wish you had hair like mine." Edward said pouting, but we could all see the humor in his eyes as we laughed.

I looked down at my now wet shirt once we had all sat at the table. It was hot and I decided since I had on my swimsuit I could take it off. When I looked up Emmett was grinning and wiggling his eyebrows, I rolled my eyes leaned behind Rose and smacked the back of his head.

"Sheesh Bells, I didn't even say anything." He said rubbing the back of his head.

"But you where thinking it, and if your mom wasn't here you would have said it."

His eyes got comically wide, and he leaned into the table gesturing everyone to do the same except for me. "I don't like this girl. She's a mind reader." He stage whispered. We all rolled our eyes at him as Carlisle handed out stake, and brats, and more stake, and hamburgers-

"Holly crow, is this how you guys usably BBQ?" I asked in amazement.

Everyone except Jasper looked up in innocents. However Jasper answered for them. "No, this is nothing compared to what they do on the 4th of July." He said stuffing his face with stake. My eyes must have gotten wider because everyone laughed.

"So what were you saying about angles before?" Edward asked Esme.

She finished chewing and then looked at me. "Well as you've ether been told or assumed I've been a CIA agent for a while now." When I nodded she continued. "Well there was this one mission, as you know I can't tell you what it was, but it wasn't the easiest one. It was just before I was married I was with one other agent that I didn't really know which shocked me because most of the missions they give us are with people on our team. It's important to trust those agents you go with."

"I don't think I've heard this one." Edward said.

"Me either." Emmett agreed and with that everyone had their attention solely on Esme.

"Well, this mission was very important and very dangerous. But I guess there all like that. Anyway the agent I was with got separated from me and I was alone, we had gotten the information needed before we got separated so I just had to get out. It's one of the first things that they teach you as you all know. Get out while you can, protect whatever you went for, be that a person or a slip of paper, if that means leaving your partner agent behind….then you have to." Esme took a deep breath and I had a bad feeling about this story.

"So I was on my way out and I met some trouble. I thought I could sneak around them but I was wrong and they saw me. Well long fight short I ran out of rounds and they had better guns then I had anyway so I thought I was done for, ether to be captured or worse. But then this woman appeared." Esme smiled. "She had on black clothes like me, and brown hair. She handed me a gun and told me to 'hurry up and shoot already, I want to get out of this place' so we shot them out of rounds and then took them down physically. But when I turned around after tying up two of them the other two were tied up and I was alone. I never saw her again."

Esme stopped and looked at all of us. "I honestly believe she was an angle. Because when I talked to the chief of the mission about it, he said that there were no other agents in that place." She finished. We were quiet for a while eating and thinking about the story she had told. Finally Carlisle wiped his mouth and broke the silence.

"Well, now that we've had the serious for the day, it's time to be silly." Carlisle said, as he picked up Esme and started running towards the water. While he was running she had enough time to take off her pants, sneakers, and socks but he had through her in the water before she could take off her shirt.

We all watched the scene laughing. "Yep, I can definitely see the resemblance in you and your father Em." I told him.

He just grinned, "I take that as a complement." He stood up, grabbed Rose around the waist, and started running towards the water, Rose screaming the whole time. Edward and Jasper looked at one another, then picked both of us up and ran towards the water.

"Edward put me down!" I told him punching his back. He just laughed and I was plunged into the cold lake.

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The rest of the day was spent in the water, having water fights and messing around. By 5pm we were all smiling and extremely tired. We were all lounging around on the sand when Alice's cell rang. She jumped up like she had been expecting the call, and answered in her chirpy voice.

"Hello?" There was a pause when the person on the other end was talking. I could tell he was a guy by the deep buzz. "When is it?" Alice asked. She had put on her jean shorts but she had kept her green bikini top on. Her black hair had dried from the water but somehow was still spiky. "It sounds like fun, we'll be there!" Her voice had gotten very excited and she was practically bouncing up and down. She said goodbye and hung up, running and plopping in the grass next to Jazz. I had my head on Jazz's knee as he played with my hair, Rose was in Emmett's lap on top of the picnic table, Carlisle and Esme were leaning into one another in a hammock that they'd set up, and Edward was laying flat on his back about six feet away from me.

"What's up Alice?" Rose asked lazily.

"Well, that was Jake. He said that Nessie's dad works up at a boy-scout camp about a half an hour away. They're having a campfire tomorrow, her dad tells legends and there are skits and stuff, Jake invited us." She told us with a grin.

"Who is Jake?" I had never heard the name before and was pretty sure I hadn't met him.

"He's at the ranch too. We hung out a lot our first and second year. But then he met his girlfriend." Edward explained.

"And….she doesn't like you?" I asked.

" No, Nessie's awesome, but they would rather hang out with each other than in a big group." I nodded in understanding.

"So I take it we're going." Jasper asked.

"Yep!" Alice chirped.

"What time is it?" I asked, looking at my phone. The clock read 5:15pm.

"It starts at eight. So we should leave here at like seven fifteen tomorrow night." She told us shrugging.

I pulled up from Jasper and stood stretching. "Have you ever been to one of these?" I asked grabbing a piece of cut up watermelon.

"No, but I've been up to the camp. Nessie's dad is really cool. He's like their fix-it man but really the whole camp would fall apart without him." Rose said.

"He knows the camp better than any of the other staff. I know Doug. Rose is right, that camp would fall apart without him. And he would without it, he loves that place. If he tells the legends tonight you'll see, just the way he talks about it." Carlisle told us.

"Sounds like fun." Emmett said. We made plans and then started packing up. I was just grabbing my t-shirt when Edward walked up to me.

"Today was fun." He said smiling.

I nodded. "Yeah it was." A smile crept over my face as I thought about the day.

"You seem happy." Edward said looking into my eyes.

I nodded again. As we started walking back I realized that I _was_ happy. Even after my two weeks of depression I had came back up with vengeance and was happy.

With my friends, I was happy, they made me happy. I looked at Edward walking next to me.

Edward made me happy.

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**Sorry for any grammar mistakes I wanted to get this chapter up ASAP so I didn't proof it a second time. And I did make some changes since I first wrote it, so there is a high possibility of those mistakes… **

**Anyway, another chapter! I hope you all liked it, as you can see Bella's not so depressed anymore and is happy. We're making progress, here! Next chapter will be the legends, and all that good stuff, I don't think that they are going to be important like in the Eclipse, just a fun chapter meeting Jake and Ness and meet the camp, because those three things are important later on. Shuuush! I did not just tell you that. :P **

**Well you got two chapters in one night, so you should be happy for at **_**least**_** a few days. Depending on how much time I have this week, I will see about getting another chapter up. But after this week I can promise one since I will be on winter break! Yay! **

**Many holiday blessings. **

***singing melody to the song* All I want for Christmas is some reviews… hint hint ;D**


	13. The Legends of the Peak

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of the twilight characters. In other words, SM owns all! But we can all dream can't we?**

Play List:

Rocky Mountain High_ by _John Denver

Chapter 11.

The Legends Of The Peak

_**BellaPOV**_

We parked the car on the dirt road in between two buildings. One was made out of logs on one side of the road and the other gray metal. There were boys walking around here and there all in their uniforms talking and then stopping when they saw us. I smiled at some of them, and then laughed as they either smirked, or looked away as fast as they could. Rose, Alice, and I had many laughs over this as we looked for Jake and Nessie.

Finally we found them standing and talking at the end of a road that went up a small hill. There were at least 70 more people there all of which were scouts, leaders, or staff members.

Jake and Nessie saw us walking towards them and met us half way. Jake was tall, at least 6'6 with dark skin, short black hair and dark brown eyes. He was big, but not as big as Emmett, somewhere in between Emmett and Edward. He was wearing well worn blue jeans, a dark red shirt with some kind of logo on it, and tennis shoes. Nessie was beautiful, and complemented Jake perfectly. She was tall, about 5'9 with dark brown hair and tanned white skin. She had hazel eyes, and soft facial features. She was wearing jeans, a gray hoodie, and tennis shoes.

"You must be Bella." Jake said in a deep voice as he held out his hand. "I'm Jacob, but you can call me Jake, and this is my girlfriend Nessie. It's nice to meet you." He told me with a wide smile.

"Yes, we saw you a few days ago, but since we were shooting paintballs at one another…." Nessie trailed off with a smile.

I smiled back, feeling happy and light, not even cringing at the memory. "It's nice to meet you both two." They greeted everyone else and then we started off walking up the road. We passed all the boy scouts doing a flag ceremony, but Nessie gestured for us to keep walking.

"We can keep going to get a good seat, my dad's already up there." She told us. We kept walking about 5 more minutes until we came to a lake. It wasn't huge, but good sized, in front of it was some of the staff starting the fire and then rows of logs where I guessed we'd be sitting. Nessie led us over to a log in the back where an older man sat. He was slightly overweight, with balding graying hair and a full beard. He was a medium height with twinkling blue eyes and big glasses. He was wearing coveralls, a hat with SPSR on it, and a red neckerchief around his neck. As we walked over he gave us all a smile and heaved himself up to greet us.

"Hello there. I knew Ness said that some friends were coming. I'm Doug." He told us a friendly smile on his face.

We all introduced ourselves and sat down on the log.

"You ever been up to the scout camp before?" He asked us.

"No, well my uncle has, but none of us." Edward said as we sat down.

"Really? Who's your uncle?"

"Carlisle Cullen. He's Emmett's dad." Edward told him.

"Of course, I know Carlisle. Good man. Haven't seen him in forever, which is a shame because he lives so close. How's he doing?"

"Good. He retired and is just doing this and that. Fixing up our house, and stuff mom's been bugging him to do for years." Emmett said.

"Well that's good. Does that mean that your all agents then, like Ness and Jake?" He asked.

"Yes. We are." Edward said.

"Cool." Doug said. He was about to say more when the staffers started lining up and all the boy-scouts ran through high fiving them, like the teenage boys they were.

"Well it's about to start. I'll have to give your dad a call." He told us smiling, and then we turned our attention towards the camp director talking.

"Welcome to our campfire. I hope you all had a great week here. We know that we did having you all. Now our first skit is from troop 173 from Texas." And with that a group of boys ran down in front of the campfire.

Some of the skits were funny, others were boring and the boys were in need of some imagination. Finally as the sun was just going down the cap director came back.

"Now that we have heard from all our boy scouts, we are going to have the pleasure of having some legends told to us. Doug?" I looked over as Doug heaved himself up once again and walked down in front of the campfire.

"For those who haven't met me, my names Doug and this is my 35th year at the boy-scout camp. Through my time here I have learned and told the legends many times."

The light from the setting sun and the fire burned just so an enchantment seemed to fall over the people, even before Doug had uttered a word. He started pacing slowly back and forth, before he stopped in the middle, right in front of the fire as it licked the air.

"Many years ago this area was considered holy land to the Indians that rested just below the mountain. Many tribes would come here to talk to the gods and have visions; however no tribe was allowed to live permanently. Well, not until one tribe came across the mountain and decided to settle, none of the local tribes knowing. The chief of that tribes name was Grandotia. He was supposable a great chief that had great knowing with the gods, as they were pleased with him. He had a daughter however, that the gods were even more pleased with. She was gentle and loving and the gods cared for her so much that they gave her the ability to talk with animals." As Doug told us, his voice changed into one of knowing. As he paced back and forth, every so often he would look up at the people watching him, but mostly looked at the ground or the mountain.

Everyone was enhanced. Listening like the legend was the answer to life, as we watched this man in overalls and big glasses cast a spell over us all.

"Grandotia and his people lived for many years in peace on the mountain. His daughter would go off for hours and wander. Many of the hunters said that they would see her talking to the animals or singing by the lakes. However, after many years food on the mountain became scares and Grandotia decided that he needed to leave for his people.

"His daughter cried and begged him to stay, telling him that the food would come if they stayed a little longer. But he didn't listen and they traveled out of the mountain. Grandotia traveled for many moons and even though his daughter begged him to return to their home, he did not listen. Soon Grandotia's daughter fell sick, sick for her mountain. She became so sick that Grandotia realized the mistake he had made and started traveling back to the mountain. Yet, before they could reach the mountain the daughter died." The sun was now behind the far off mountains and Doug had stopped walking back and forth, stopping so he was facing the mountain.

"Well, the story goes that Grandotia was so overcome by grief that started traveling with his people at such a fast rate that the journey that took them a year and a half to travel only took a matter of months. Soon they came to a very large tribe. The chief of this tribe was called Green Horn. If you look to the right you can see Green Horn Mountain." Doug said pointing to the mountain. "Anyway, Green Horn was said to be very wise and very fierce. He had an army that could take out Grandotia's without any true fight. So when Green Horn told Grandotia that the mountain where he wanted to go was a sacred place, and that no Indians were allowed to live there, Grandotia proved to be half mad by arguing with him. Green Horn was not a very understanding man, and was insulted by Grandotia. He was about to imprison the whole tribe when a thunderstorm came. There was a lightning strike and the smoke took form of a young girl, and she told Green Horn to let Grandotia and his people continue through to the mountain.

"Green Horn was fearful of the gods and let Grandotia go. Grandotia continued on his journey with his people until they finally came to the mountain. Grandotia settled once again, grieving over the loss of his daughter. Soon a group of Spaniards came to the mountain. They found an interest in the gold that Grandotia and his people wore. To the Indians gold was nothing but a rock. It was meaningless to them, so when they told the Spaniards that they found it in the mountain, they didn't think anything of it.

However the Spaniards were overcome with greed, and enslaved the Indians, making all of them, woman and children alike, work and mine for gold. For years this happened, until it came to point where they worked Grandotia's people so hard that they started to die out.

"Grandotia finally went to a vision spot and prayed to the gods, begging them to release his people. He prayed and prayed and finally he had a vision. The vision was of his daughter. She told him that there would be a great earth quake, and everything, the Indians, Spaniards, and gold all would be buried. Grandotia was old and ready to die. And though he grieved the loss of his people, he knew it was better than the enslavement that they had been put through. The next day the earthquake came and everything was buried." Doug stopped and turned towards the mountain.

"Now for you who have been here all week you have probably seen the shadows in the mountain. In the morning there is a shadow that looks like a chief's face, as the morning goes on the chief gets older and older. Then in the evening there is the face of a minor. The same happens and he gets older and older." He said using his hands to explain.

"As some of you have also seen, there is a cabin up on the peak that we call the minors cabin. There were three brothers that mined up there about 50 years ago, looking for the lost gold of the Indians and Spanish. It is also said that if you are at the cabin at night you will hear Grandotia daughter sing with the trees and the animals. Happy to be home."

Doug finished his story with those words echoing off the dikes around the area. The camp director came down and started clapping.

"Thank you so much Doug. It's a pleasure as always." Doug smiled and nodded.

"It changes every time I tell it these days; I can't remember it all anymore." He joked, laughing a full, calming laugh.

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The camp fire was finished after one more song from the staff and all the boy-scouts went to their campsites. After they were gone the staff declared that there was going to be a cracker-barrel back at the kitchen and they all ran off to set up the ice cream.

We all walked down slowly with Nessie and Jake. Doug had begged off, saying that he needed to get home, but to tell Carlisle hi.

"So what did you think of the camp fire?" Nessie asked.

We all smiled. We were walking straight across the road in a long line. Jake and Nessie were holding hands, as were Rose and Emmett, Alice and Jazz. Edward and I were walking side by side in the middle both of us holding flash lights so nobody in our group would trip.

"Yeah it was cool. Some of those boys actually had some good skits!" Emmett laughed.

"I liked it, it was fun." Alice said.

Jake looked at me. "What about you Bella. I heard that you were a girl scout. How did we boy-scouts do?" He teased.

I laughed. "I was a girl scout for about two months. I had a horrible leader. But it was fun. I really like the legends. Have you guys ever been up to the minor's cabin?" I asked Jake and Nessie.

"Yes, many times. It's a great hike, hard when you're not use to it, but great." Nessie told me, Jake nodded in agreement.

I looked to Jake. "So you were a boy scout? I did you go to this camp?" I asked.

He nodded, "I did indeed. That's how I met Ness." He said grinning.

Nessie rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I'm wandering around the camp one day, just getting back from a hike and this dark haired gangly boy walks up to me and says 'why are you here? You're not a boy. Are you the medic's daughter?'" Nessie told us in a bad imitation of Jake's voice. We laughed, "I looked at him and said, 'you know Doug? I'm his daughter.' I couldn't shake the kid for the rest of the week. He was like a stalker wanting to know everything about my dad."

"I was not a stalker!" Jake said. Nessie raised an eyebrow. "Okay, maybe a little, but I charmed you and you know it."

"More like I had pity on you. You where like a string with knots tied it and you practically worshiped the ground my father walked on. Then you would analyze it to figure out why, he walked in _that_ specific place." Nessie said rolling her eyes.

We all laughed at the two's banter as, Jake just grunted.

I shoulder checked Edward. "I bet I could beat you to the place where we're eating." I told him grinning.

He shook his head at me, a grin on his face as well. "Cocky aren't cha?" He asked raising an eye brow.

"Me? Cocky? Never." I said in a mock serious voice. Everyone laughed as we walked into the building, filed with staff members talking and joking. After waiting in line to get our ice cream, and Emmett almost getting a cooking bowls worth, we all sat down.

"Why didn't I become a boy scout?" Emmett moaned as he dug into his ice cream.

Everyone in our group laughed but Jake. "Who knows. There's no reason not to, being a Boy Scout rocks." He said in a serious voice. We all looked at him and one of us would have made a comment before a bigger guy with red hair walk up to us.

Jake swallowed his ice cream before shaking the guy's hand, Nessie giving him a hug. "Guys this is Bill, he's the camp director." Jake said.

"And a family friend." Nessie added smiling.

We all introduced ourselves and shook hands. Bill smiled and sat down, at first glance he would have looked happy, but as he looked at all of us I saw something else in his eyes. He was tired, and worried.

"Uh, Jake Ness, I need some help." Bill told the hesitantly.

Nessie's face grew serious, just as Jake's did. "What's up Bill?" Jake asked.

He ran his hands over his face and then looked to see if anyone was listening, finally he focused in on us. "A few days ago two of our staffers went out to the minor's cabin right before the next campers came in. They're rangers so they needed to check the trail. They never came back down." We all looked at him; he was worried about his staffers.

"Have you contacted the police?" Jasper asked.

Bill nodded. "Yes, but since they were both 24 and they were together…..they won't really look into it." He shook his head and leaned back in his chair. We could all tell he was frustrated.

Jake broke the silence and looked at Bill, leaning in so no one would hear. "Look, Bill it will be okay. Ness and I can go look."

Nessie nodded. "Yeah, we can go up and hike around. We'll find them Bill."

Bill's face cleared a bit, but he still looked worried. His young face somehow aged. He looked around the room, "well I got to get going. Thank you so much guys." Bill stood and gave us a weak smile before walking off.

"I'm sure that they just got lost or something." Jake tried to sound confident, but I could tell he was nervous as he ate his ice cream.

It was true, those staffers could have gotten lost. I looked around the table at my friends, Nessie, and Jake, and I knew they were all thinking the same thing. But how did a ranger, meant to lead people up that trail, get lost?

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**You guys are probably passing out that there have been three chapters posted this week! Especially after so long of no updates... See I told you I'm back. :P**

** So even though this chapter seams a little off base for what's been going on, it will become important and later in the story you all are going to remember me saying this and be going 'Ohhhh, I get it now'. (Wheew long sentence) Or at least that's what I'm assuming. But you know what they say about assuming…..so I could be wrong. :P **

**Please lovely readers, REVIEW! Even if it's one word I will be ecstatic. And I will respond to all of them if you guys are signed in and can receive PMs. Reviews are like air to me on fanfiction, so…..*ragged breath* give….*ragged breath* me… *ragged breath* some….*gasping now* air. *Passes out. Laying face down on floor then lifts head* Please? :D**


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